Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Refreshingly Dumped

Oh man. I've had many a girlfriend call me in utter frustration, "We've been dating for (insert: one, two, three) years and he hasn't given me a ring." Sound familiar to you to?
And recently, I had a guy friend say to me… "I was just about to propose to my girlfriend, I was actually going ring shopping, and I found out she's been cheating on me." How long had they been dating? 5 years. Yeah…she wanted a ring too.
Okay men. How long does it take you to realize you got a good thing in front of you?
We get it. You're scared. So are we. But if you don't know…in say 6 months. Break up with us. Don't pro-long the inevitable. We won't break up with you (that is if we like you) so don't drag it on forever.
The difference between men and women…if we don't like you…we move on pretty fast. Guys…well…they are usually chicken and hang on WAY too long.
I recently went on a few dates with this guy. He was trying to be nice…but I could tell he wasn't sure if he dug me. By date four, he said, "I think were better friends" – sure I cried a few tears, but you know what? I actually respect him for having the balls for knowing I wasn't "the one" and didn't waste my time. Refreshingly dumped!
I know most men these days think they need to court us…(okay you do.) But if somewhere in this opening phase you get a bad read…dump us. It's ok. Stringing us along gets us in an emotional funk. And then we really start hurting.
But really? How long does it take to get to know someone? Enough to know you wanted to spend the rest of your life with them.
Best example: My parents. They met and were married 9 months later. (Honestly…I don't think they were ever "engaged" – it was more like a "Vegas" moment…they went to the Justice of the Peace and just got married one day.) They were married 40 plus years (until my dad passed away). My dad did not know every detail of my mom. And my mom clearly didn't know everything about my dad. If they knew what the future held…well I don't think they would have ever gotten married.
Okay…I hear it. I live in Hollywood. This is a WHOLE different animal. For now…refreshingly dump if you know off the bat. People don't change and you can't change them. If you're not diggin it. Move on.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Random acts of whatever

"You don't bring me flowers." That's what she said. I didn't bring her flowers…..

How do I tell my friend…it wasn't because he didn't bring her flowers? (After all, I think he bought her a car.) Little gestures all score you major points. That's because they are unexpected. These should be random acts of whatever. If you do them all the time…well then…we learn to expect them and will whine "You don't bring me flowers…anymore."

Here's something most don't know about me…I have a brother. My brother is seriously, probably the most unromantic person I've ever met…and he's related to me. He puts in ZERO effort into anything. No joke, I think if my mom didn't remind him that he got married (on our Dad's birthday I would add) my brother would forget his wedding anniversary every year. Oh, and my mom advises him on what to buy his wife! Get her some flowers, oh and here, I got her a sweater. (Truly, I wish I was kidding, but I'm not.)

If my brother randomly bought his wife flowers…first I think she'd fall over laughing, and second…there would probably be some action in the bedroom. It would work wonders.

Random acts people. And they don't have to cost you a thing.

Pick up a starbucks coffee for me every once in a while; give me a back rub after a stressful day; say "let's go for a drive" without any plans; and hello…make me breakfast in bed. All totally unexpected…and well…you will always get a smile J.

For my friend…she was superficial to want flowers (on demand)…there are bigger issues she was dealing with and well…time to move on.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

The List

I have a friend who swears that if you make a list of what you really want, you will get it. I'm not so convinced. I've made my Vision Boards, I've written my lists, I checked the boxes with honesty on eharmony, I poured my heart and soul into a journal…and well…nothing.
Recently, I re-examined a list I made circa 1999 after a fierce break-up with ex-jerk. And well, it's all still pretty relevant and valid. (So where is my husband?) Well, enjoy, if I ever do get married, we'll check off this list together…just don't tell him about it.
  • Wants children.
  • Has brothers and/or sisters.
  • Sensitive eyes and good smile (good dental hygiene a plus).
  • Actually wants to be in a relationship and doesn't play games.
  • Is a friend to me first, and digs me.
  • Can play a musical instrument, or likes to regularly attend concerts. (I like a music lover…any type of music ok…EXCEPT techno.) Gay flag…right?
  • Financially secure (or rather on the road to being financially secure). Also someone who makes their own money…not comes from money. Someone who is smart with their money and makes smart decisions or knows when they made a bad decision and learned from it.
  • Likes to learn new things or one who can break out of the box every once in a while. (Not that I'm one to take up Salsa dancing, but I'd be open to just about anything if asked. And I like that quality…not so judgmental.)
  • Has a good group of loyal guy friends he's known a long time. (Last guy had zero friends except chicks from his church.)
  • Likes "man" things (football, beer, poker).
  • Likes to play board games (if I guy told me he likes Scrabble…he gets bonus points.)
  • Can hold their own at a party. Doesn't need to be a tailgater.
  • Not a perfectionist. (Is fine when the dishes aren't done right after dinner but can wait until morning.)

  • Not depressed and has a happy disposition on life.

And that's it. So maybe if I put it out on the internet world…there will be some takers. Please, I feel I can hear my friend Adam yelling at me "Stop trying so hard!!!" I am Adam…I'm just saying…here are the qualities. Okay?

Monday, April 5, 2010

Things not to do…

Oh Man. I hate when this happens. You are browsing the bookshelves and come across a dating book and realize. I've done everything wrong. Who am I to give dating advice?
So here you go: from the book: "Undateable: 311 Things Guys Do That Guarantee They Won't Be Dating or Having Sex" – intriguing huh?
Okay – here's what the "relationship experts" tell us we do wrong:
*Constantly call, instant message and text (okay…I'm guilty of this.)
*Use goofy pet names in public. (I don't do this. I think this is lame too!)
*Ask where this relationship is going. (I don't always do this…but do want to know around date 5 otherwise…you are wasting my time. Is this wrong?)
*Ask if they look fat in an outfit. (wtf…can't we ask them that? I just want an opinion…I think…. Oh right…he won't give an honest answer. Good to know.)

*Try sex too early. (hum…I'm not opposed to this…that is if I'm attracted to you.)
*Lie about how tall they are or how much money they make. (True. We will always find out the truth. Be honest.)
*Whip out a calculator at dinner to split a check. (I've never had a calculator whipped out…. most dates I've had know how to halve a bill. I have no issue with splitting checks…most of the time.)
*Want to go out to dinner on a first date vs something casual like having coffee. (Really? That's an issue. I totally prefer dinner.)
*Play head games such as waiting three days before calling after a date. (Oh yeah…this happens all the time. I call them chicken shits.)
*Whine about how past exes did them wrong. (There are a lot of bad women out there…and I feel it's my job to let men know there are normal chicks out there. That is if I'm considered normal.)

*Talk about children on a first date. (Yeah…not yet….wait until date 3 or 4 to dive into the kids.)
*Are late for a date. (I am SO guilty of this. I work/live so far from everyone and as much as I plan ahead, I have a hard time judging traffic. Forgive me.)
*Are more interested in their pets than their dates. (I'm starting to learn…this is an issue with some of my friends too. Humans can talk. Get out more.)

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Deal Breakers

I have a friend who went on an online date with a guy who regularly attends Renaissance Faires. Deal Breaker?
What about the Comic Book collector? Deal Breaker?
Been to jail? Deal Breaker?
How many ex wives does one need before …yep. Deal Breaker?
I used to think I wasn't so judgmental. After all, I swore I'd never date actors, and the last guy I dated…was… an actor! (Okay, I know different from someone who attends Renaissance Faires…or is it?)
I used to think I was so open…give everyone a chance. But I have to admit, if I guy told me he has costumes, practices sword fighting on weekends, and then regularly attends Renaissance Faires…well…that's taking a hobby a bit too far.
I actually had a crush on a comic book/toy collector once. In his apartment he kept perfectly, original packaged, collection of action figures. I was so enthralled that on our dates, we'd drive 45 minutes away to various toy stores because he'd learn certain stores were getting some figures in limited numbers and he just had to have one. My friends were shocked? What did I see in him? How long was I going to understand his weird obsession? I did end up dumping the guy after about 5 gas fill ups from various trips to Reseda on such quests. His hobby became a deal breaker.
But really what constitutes a deal breaker? We are all different? Should we be so judgmental? After all, I'm hardly perfect. I guess for me it's when weird hobbies turn into obsession and its all your date can talk about. They become, shall we say, odd and boring?
"Desert rats!... Guys with motor cross type toys who hang in the desert, drink beer and talk about lame jumps they caught 'air' on all weekend" states my sister. Apparently she had been dragged on one too many weekends with a guy who was a desert rat. Deal Breaker.
"Ever met a train collector?" asked another friend. She met this guy who had an entire basement with his collectable trains. (Personally, I'd draw the line if he wore a conductor hat and pumped his arm going "choo choo.")
I usually tell guys I just want someone who is into me. And well, if they are putting too much time into their hobby, that's less time into me…and well, that is my ultimate deal breaker. For now, I can "talk" comic book; geeky train collector; videogamer; silent movie; sports obsessed; nature trail cruncher with the best of them. Just remember to also talk to me.
If you have an odd one…please let me know! HC