Thursday, September 6, 2012

Dump Time

I know, I know….there are two questions on everyone’s mind.

1) When is your book coming out?

2) Why aren’t you blogging?


1) Not sure. Every publisher goes on vacation for the summer and I’ve been out of the loop. But I’m working on that answer soon!

2) Um, its summer and I’ve been lazy in the blog-o-sphere…been trying to finish two scripts and two books. Not to mention, working on a TV show, currently living with my boyfriend (insert, doing his laundry and general clean-up of a guy).

But here I am…ready to chat about dating, relationships and reality shows. First of all…reality shows. Let me just say, I’m a fan of Emily and Jef (with one f), I’m obsessed with “Miss Advised” (great casting -- those girls are all train wrecks), and for my friend (and former guy I dated Troy)…dude…what’s up with your show “Basketball Wives” and Evelyn and Chad? My TV viewing has seriously been in overdrive this summer…but as with most of us, back to school time usually means, back to work. (and back to the mall for new clothes, but I digress).

Okay, down to business. Let’s discuss dating. I have heard from many of you. Thanks for the emails…keep’em coming.

Recently a reader *Claire wrote to me for a little dating intervention. Her plea was simple. She’s been living with her boyfriend, and knows in her heart of heart he’s not “the one” but refuses to break up with him because that’s a lot of work. Claire has been dating her boyfriend Terence for just over two years. They moved in together after only knowing each other for two months. At first it was great. The money she was saving was fantastic and well, it was fun with her younger boy toy. But over the months, Terence has been driving her nuts, and now they are just two passing ships in the night. Claire last relationship was long term and she knows she doesn’t want to marry Terence. And she wouldn’t mind being a lone for a while, but she’s too lazy to actually break up with him. She laments to me that he’s a nice guy…but she’s just not in love with him.

Sound familiar?

Claire is already resenting Terence and it’s not getting any better. Honestly Claire, you sound a bit lazy (that’s ok…because you see, I’ve been lazy all summer). But here’s the thing -- Why can't you break up and be roommates…Why drag it on and pretend you are in a relationship?

I hear you responding already: “I don’t want to hurt him.”

Look…for all the men I’ve dated out there, when they told me “It’s just not there” and dumped me. I was totally grateful for their honesty.  While I might have shed a few initial tears, trust me when I tell you I was happy it didn’t drag on.

Claire, it’s time to live alone. (You said it you've never lived alone and that you've always had a man in your life.) See what it’s like. You might hate it and miss Terence. You might find someone completely new and better than him too. Right now, you are stuck in a rut. Move on girlfriend. And buy that pink couch and be all girlie for once...because you can.

Be proactive. He wants your honest answer, not this “not knowing and passing ship” scenario you’ve created.

If you need space and have never allowed yourself space, aren’t you going to be upset and mad at him if you’ve never given yourself space?

It’s time to be truthful with him, tell him he’s not “the one” and go from there. You might be much happier being friends and or roommates.

But, right now, I need to fold my honey's laundry.

*Names have been changed.