He opened the door, pulled out my seat, and paid for dinner but when he told me he was thinking about bringing me flowers, he asked if that would have been too much. It put me into a quandary. "Yes, I think it would look like you were trying to hard" I answered honestly.
I look back at when my parents dated some forty years ago, would it have been odd if my dad showed up and brought her flowers on a first date? Answer: No.
So why is it odd to me today?
I've been on a couple dates recently wherein these men proclaimed chivalry is not dead. I'm not so sure if its chivalry or just a basic respect for women. So I ask….what's the difference? If you respect a woman, you'd open her door, you'd ask her if she'd want anything when you where heading to the kitchen, you'd pull out her chair before she sat down. There is that certain aspect to a man that when he does these small gestures…we instantly see a sign that he likes us. If he let the door slam in our faces, or checks his email/phone incessantly, well, I think he just wants to get this little "meeting" over with so he can head home and watch some more Sportcenter. He's not that into you.
So I looked up the word chivalry in the dictionary. Basically…unless you are a knight (or working at medieval times), the word is pretty dated. Courage, honor, justice, helping the weak or poor (this is starting to sound like a job interview for a law enforcement officer…); courtesy to women or a well mannered man. Eureka! A well mannered man. But does this mean he needs to bring you flowers on a first date? Ah no.
Women have come a long way since medieval times. We don't need rescuing but we also don't mind it when you kill the creepy crawly things in our apartments. So don't bring me flowers as you come riding in on your shiny white horse, it's not necessary. But you are a true well mannered gentleman if you make me chicken noodle soup when I'm sick, tell me how beautiful I look while sick, and well, hold my hair back when I actually get sick.
For me chivalry means well mannered and for that, then I would say, chivalry is not dead. But it's still odd if you buy me flowers on a first date.