Wednesday, September 22, 2010


He opened the door, pulled out my seat, and paid for dinner but when he told me he was thinking about bringing me flowers, he asked if that would have been too much. It put me into a quandary. "Yes, I think it would look like you were trying to hard" I answered honestly.

I look back at when my parents dated some forty years ago, would it have been odd if my dad showed up and brought her flowers on a first date? Answer: No.

So why is it odd to me today?

I've been on a couple dates recently wherein these men proclaimed chivalry is not dead. I'm not so sure if its chivalry or just a basic respect for women. So I ask….what's the difference? If you respect a woman, you'd open her door, you'd ask her if she'd want anything when you where heading to the kitchen, you'd pull out her chair before she sat down. There is that certain aspect to a man that when he does these small gestures…we instantly see a sign that he likes us. If he let the door slam in our faces, or checks his email/phone incessantly, well, I think he just wants to get this little "meeting" over with so he can head home and watch some more Sportcenter. He's not that into you.

So I looked up the word chivalry in the dictionary. Basically…unless you are a knight (or working at medieval times), the word is pretty dated. Courage, honor, justice, helping the weak or poor (this is starting to sound like a job interview for a law enforcement officer…); courtesy to women or a well mannered man. Eureka! A well mannered man. But does this mean he needs to bring you flowers on a first date? Ah no.

Women have come a long way since medieval times. We don't need rescuing but we also don't mind it when you kill the creepy crawly things in our apartments. So don't bring me flowers as you come riding in on your shiny white horse, it's not necessary. But you are a true well mannered gentleman if you make me chicken noodle soup when I'm sick, tell me how beautiful I look while sick, and well, hold my hair back when I actually get sick.

For me chivalry means well mannered and for that, then I would say, chivalry is not dead. But it's still odd if you buy me flowers on a first date.





Saturday, September 4, 2010

Is It Really Fall?

Happy Last Weekend of Summer.
Sort of depressing isn't it? It goes so fast. I always have all these plans I'm going to get done during the summer, yet never tend to get to all the chores. Sound familiar.
I can't tell you how many people I've talked to who tell me…"wow, I wish I can be you." While being a novelist sounds lovely, and well "novel" it's not an easy thing. There are periods of total freak out (you don't get paid until you book actually hits the bookstore), and many "temp"-tations of temping on smaller writer gigs to pay the bills. But it's the shear freedom that I do adore.
I should describe my "work" location – I write my blog at my dining room table overlooking the most picturesque beach and pier. (It's ok…you can hate me…) But when the sun gleams through my sliding doors and pills into the living room…well…I head across the street to the beach. (You should see my tan.) The only issue I have…I can't use my computer at the beach. Trust me I've tried. Phone calls…yeah, I get the best "coverage" on my deck in one of those lifeguard-type chairs. So I put on my sunglasses, and "roll calls" on the deck. It's great…until the gardener decides to run the lawn mower.
Now before you all go into the "I hate Heidi" comments…you all haven't seen my bank account. Being a writer for a living is not the type of career that brings in the big dough but it is very freeing. While my friends think, wow, you can sleep until noon write a couple blogs and polish off your new novel blah blah blah…what I've learned is …it's a lot more work than I anticipated. I typically work ten to twelve hour days. (Sort of like a doctor…no?) Everything I read, do, think, I try and work into a story, blog, or article. Don't get me wrong…I'm currently "studying" People Magazines Emmy red carpet dresses with much glee.
If you think writing is easy. Here is a fact for you: It took me ten LONG years to write my first novel. And trust me, I'm like a school girl about to start school in anticipation of it coming out. I am very lucky to be part of the most incredible book writing club and these ladies have read every word I have written and given me such honest feedback. (I think they were as surprised as I was when it sold.)
My Fabulous Book Writing Club
A typical day for me is coffee (Starbucks just gave me a gold card!); workout; shower; emails/phone calls; write – I only break from writing if I have a meeting. If I get stuck…I take a bike ride. I usually "stop" working around eight pm. Another thing, being a writer is also being a good salesperson. I can't tell you how many people have told me "I wrote a book and it didn't sell" – You have to put in as much effort as you did in writing a book as you do selling it. I've acted as my own publicist, manager, book store owner etc to promote myself. I pitch to magazines, blogs, community columns, TV shows, radio programs, and bookstores for personal appearances. "Heidi is so much fun, she'll have fun with your patrons" talking about myself in the third person. (I tend to crack myself up too.)
And I will say, being a writer can be a very lonely world too. I so enjoy when a friend calls me and brings me out of my writing work and says "Lets run errands" so I can ask about my character. Recently I was watching the Emmy's with a friend and I was making comments about the dresses, and she told me I sounded like the character from my second book (I think that was a compliment???) So, in reality, I'm never really off the hook and "not working".
But, nothing counts as much as my fans. Those of you who read my blog, send me emails whether they are debating a stupid idea, or sending me love notes. I read them all with much happiness.
Thank you all for being on this journey with me. It means the world. So keep reading, visiting and giving me feedback. I love a good argument.
Now…back to work. It is fall after all.