Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The Sex-Texter

Have you ever dated a Sex-texter?  You know, the guy who likes to only send you dirty messages?  (And I’m not talking about dirty pictures…just words…in a text.)  
I’ve been down the path with several sex-texters in my dating life…and at first I was turned off.  (Scary, creepy, pervert, yucky.)  But what I’ve learned is…most guys like a little sex-texting.  (Stay with me here.)
Usually I’ve preferred my written sex text in a romance novel.  The build up, the pages and pages of throbbing body parts, the tension, the pressure, the trembling feeling they had never had before.  It’s all just fantastic to read before bedtime.
My girls in my book club suggested I read a historical romance called  The Captain of All Pleasuresfor the pinnacle of romance writing…and well…swashbuckling cheesiness aside…it was a fun read.  (Especially when I would read passages aloud to my boyfriend in bed).  I would giggle as I read the bodice ripper and he’d roll his eyes at me thinking I enjoyed the drama of it all.    (I’m currently devouring  Fifty Shades of Grey…um… love it.)
Which brings me back to sex-texting.  I’ve never thought it was that sexy. 
Now that I’ve been living with my boyfriend for awhile, I’ve learned…he thinks about sex quite a lot.  And as a woman, I personally… don’t.  Women like the drama.  If we want it, we seek it out, but if not in the mood, we can roll over, fall asleep…or rather pretend to be asleep.  
But when I boiled it down…my boyfriend doesn’t want five pages of drawn out sex talk…he wants two lines of sex-texting.
I polled my friends and I got every answer:
“Serial killer”
“How long have you known him?”
So I ask: Is sex-texting a turn on or a turn off? Afterall, there are two people doing the sex-texting…. It’s not just him.  I participate too…and if I’m having weird feelings, does he have them about me too? Am I slutty for sex texting?
I was somewhat reluctant to talk to my sister about this topic.  Was I actually embarrassed?  But is it normal to “sex-text” your man?
Her response was priceless: “All guys need a little sex-texting.”
She was curt and to the point. He wasn’t a serial killer, he wasn’t a pervert, he was a guy…and “guys like to talk about sex and don’t want a timid shy girl they have to talk into sex every time they are ready…and let’s face facts, guys are pretty ready all the time.” 
Really?  It’s not weird?  “Not at all.” – Eureka.  My sister had been sex-texting with her man too. Whew.  I wasn’t the only one!
My sister protected sex-texting men stating, “He’s just trying to see if she’ll be the type of girl who will have sex with him down the line.  Sex-texters are not weird, they’re  guys.”
My girlfriends weren’t so convinced.  “….this totally creeps out,” was the generic response. 
So my unscientific bottom line: If you are the type of person who is not comfortable with their sexuality and sensual self.  Well…then sex-texting is going to be an issue.  There needs to be a balance.  If you are afraid/timid to talk about sex, then sex-texting is not for you.  Sometimes it might be too pre-mature to jump into the sex-texting with a guy you’ve only known for a short while, but ultimately you have to feel comfortable with men to sex-text with them.  Personally, I found my first Sex-texter generally normal and well…dare I say, sexy.  So why not see if he’ll be a good partner down the line by a little pre-sex-texting session?  And think to yourself, do you want a timid lover?