Thursday, September 15, 2011

Vision Boards

If you are like me, you have some sort of vision board with lots of cut out photos and word phrases pasted to poster board, tucked in the back of your closet collecting dust just waiting for the universe to absorb it and make it a reality.

It didn’t work, did it?

I read an article from Martha Beck awhile back where she stated that while we envision things, we need to put forth “truthful admonishments” we can actually get.

So the really hot guy holding two glasses of champagne, in front of a Mercedes on a secluded beach isn’t what I should be envisioning?

Apparently not. Rats.

Her point was everyone does their vision boards wrong. They have “dream boards” but these dreams couldn’t actually be realities.

But, but, but, no really, I’m envisioning a really hot guy, making me breakfast in bed –and I’m not kidding.

How does one really create the life they want with a vision board?

I decided to dig a bit deeper and invited my really cool, intuitive, friend Bekah over for a deep vision session to help me with my really attainable goal – a good boyfriend.

Bekah told me about a group she belonged to called “The Goal Group”. These goal seekers would come together and create vision boards and then they would quiz each other with a list of things to do to achieve them.

So, being snarky, I asked Bekah, what if someone put on their vision board something totally unattainable like winning the lottery. Bekah in her goal orientated mind, said to me, “we’ll, I’d tell you to actually buy some lottery tickets, maybe join a group who buys lots of lottery tickets, and maybe get a better job to afford all of your lottery ticket purchases, and don’t forget to take these purchases as a tax deduction.” I knew Bekah was smart, but really? That actually sounds about right.

So then Bekah and I started talking about men and dating and what we “envisioned” for ourselves. I know the guy on the white horse is not showing up anytime soon, but the attainable guy, who might not have the perfect ripped abs, but truly loves me, might be around the corner.

“Great, what are you going to do to meet him?” she said.

Tell everyone I’m still single. Look for this guy, and tell him I'm open for a relationship.


So you know what…I’ve done just that. And I’m not going to tell you right now if it’s worked, but I will let you know I’ve stopped online dating the masses to focus on my goals.

Vision board, goal list…it’s all tucked under my bed…and it’s working.

Now, if only magazines would have middle-aged men, few extra pounds in the mid-section, who have lots of love to give for me... to put on my board….well, then I might have something.

I’ll keep you posted.


Thursday, September 1, 2011

Saw It At The Movies

“The more you hide your feelings for someone, the more you fall for them.” @thenoteboook

I was sent this tweet by a recent date.

So I texted him, “What are you hiding?”

He didn’t respond to that. Typical.

The quote made me fondly remember those days on the playground when the boy you really liked you’d punch or mock in front of your peers. Indeed…we always had a crush on them…but we’d never tell them. The more you said “eyyyyh…he’s gross” the more we wrote in our journals (in private) how dreamy he actually was.

Recently my pre-teen niece came to visit me and we got to discuss…what else? Boys. I took her to see the film “One Day” (which I highly recommend bytheway…and yes, I also read the book.) My niece has had a crush on a boy for awhile now…and well…he’s just ‘not that into her’. After the film, we discussed the men in our lives. Her guy is a good “friend” of hers who only ever wants to be “her friend” and subsequently dates tons of other girls. So I told her he hasn’t figured out that the girl in front of him is a great catch. But he will…and it will probably be too late.

This is the same message played out in the film. These seemingly “best friendships” can last for years…and finally the guy clues in that his “friend” is actually perfect for him.

But how long do we need to sit around and wait for that to happen? And why do we hide our feelings? Why don’t we just tell guys we like them? Is it true that if we hide our feelings, we will fall harder for them?

I fondly remember telling a guy I’d been crushing on for months (could have been years) that I liked him. Sure I built up this reveal in my head that he would longingly look into my eyes and tell me that he loved me too. I didn’t get the answer I wanted. But you know what I did get? Peace! Sure it hurt, and we did remain friends (and are still friends to this day). But if I held my feelings in and pined for him any longer …wouldn’t I be frustrated? And wouldn’t I have closed myself to other potential dates? How long was I to hold my true feelings in?

Now this guy has gone on, got married and divorced, and together we have changed as people. Do I still have a crush on him? I will not lie…if he came back into my life on a romantic level, I’d be very tempted. But I also figure…he had his chance and he gave me his answer.

In a totally related tale, I had a friend call me up the other day to tell me that she was engaged. After I picked myself off the floor, I got down to business, who was this guy, and why haven’t I met him? Same story, they were friends in college, they held feelings for each other, but both were technically unavailable. Through the years they remained friends…blah, blah blah. On a recent “catch up phone call” my friend finally revealed to her male friend, “I had such a crush on you in college.” And bam. Couple months later, they are engaged. They both had held in their feelings, and once all was revealed they fell hard and fast in love.

Guess I should start holding my feelings in a bit more. But as a romance writer, that’s a little hard for me.

Such dilemmas.