New Year’s Resolutions

Oh, how I love the internet. Because last year, when I decided to have a blog, of course I published my 2010 New Years plans…here was my list. (Let's make comments):

2010 Goals:

1) Go Out More (be more social). Do not turn down an invitation no matter how exhausted you are...going out equals stories and you are a writer. This is actually a repeat from last year...but...if you read the last post...do I go to married guys pot luck tomorrow? Confliction...but could get a story right?
OKAY…I TOTALLY WENT OUT MORE…BUT DIDN'T GO OUT TO MARRIED GUYS EVENT (I HAVE STANDARDS…BARELY…) SO THIS YEARS RESOLUTION: GO OUT AND PIMP YOUR BOOK MORE J


2) Do not drink alone. If you are going to have a drink, you must be with someone. (So again...pushing that social thing....again a repeat and No I didn't always keep this resolution in 2009...I'll try harder in 2010.)
I GOT A ROOMMATE THIS FALL…SO WHEN I DRINK…MY ROOMATE IS AROUND. THAT'S PROGRESS RIGHT?

3) Lose 20 lbs. Last year I lost 15. (Not bad....I did go down the all important dress size. Yeah me. But I have about 15 or 20 to go. I want to get there this year.)

UM…DIDN'T LOSE 20 LBS. STILL NEED TO LOSE 20 LBS…WHICH I WILL DO IN JANUARY. MUST FIT BETTER INTO MY SKI PANTS.

4) Be more active. The gym is fun, well not fun, but practical. But I'd like to do more bike riding, public gardening, hiking etc. Things outside, again...keep up the social thing. (Current issue is time and the lack of sunlight in the early hours.)

OK. I HAVE THE TIME AND I JOINED A NEW GYM CLOSER TO MY HOUSE. I AM KEEPING THIS GOING. I NEED TO PUSH MYSELF MORE. THE CONVO WITH MY SISTER OVER CHRISTMAS BREAK WAS TO JOIN MORE CLASSES…SO I'M GOING TO DO THAT. I WANT TO LOSE THAT 20LBS. SERIOUSLY.

5) Get published. (All signs are pointing that is going to finally happen. Yeah me.)

AH SIGH….I SOLD MY FIRST NOVEL IN MARCH 2010. THEY KEEP CHANGING THE PUBLISHING DATE, BUT, RIGHT NOW…"DATING IN LA LA LAND" WILL HIT STORES IN JUNE 2011. I JUST FINISHED A HUGE EDIT AND I LOVE MY TEAM. IT'S AS FUNNY AS…. AS WELL, ME!

6) Travel more. (I am currently dreaming about 3 vacations. Don't know with whom or when these can/will happen...but I will attempt to go to three places near and far in 2010.)

WELL... I DID DO SOME TRAVEL THIS YEAR…NOT EXACTLY WHERE I THOUGHT I'D GO TO LAST YEAR. I WENT TO VEGAS WITH MY BOOK CLUB FOR THE RUGBY TOURNAMENT (UMMMM….AWESOME…MEN IN SHORT SHORTS…) AND THEN NAPA FOR MY BIRTHDAY (THANKS TO THE JANE GOODALL GALA I ATTENDED AND BID ON A KILLER DEAL…) AND I WENT TO IRELAND WITH MY SISTER IN THE FALL AND HAD A BLAST. OF COURSE…WENT TO NYC AN EPIC THREE TIMES LAST YEAR FOR MEETINGS AND CONVENTIONS…BUT I HAVE MY PASSPORT RENEWED AND I'M ALWAYS ON THE GO.)

7) Listen to own voice and not be pressured. Be sane, and not let the insane rule my life. (This is probably going to be the hardest thing for me. My head races with a mindful of ideas that aren't always necessarily the best choices.)
OH MY GOD….I ACHIEVED THIS. FUNNY WHAT YOU PUT DOWN.

8) Flirt more. (Literally I was at the CHP (California Highway Patrol Office) the other day, and I flirted with the officer checking out to make sure I had my headlights fixed - stop it with the sex jokes okay -- and well...it was fun. A little smirk and a smile not only makes my day, it can make someone else's, so I need to flirt more.)

WHILE I DIDN'T DATE A CHP IN 2010…I DID DATE A FORMER COP AND NOW A PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR. WELL ACTUALLY…I HAD A LOT OF DATES IN 2010. I HAVE HAD MY FLIRT ON…AND I DO HAVE MY HEART ON A CERTAIN SLEEVE… AND I AM SUCH A HAPPY GIRL.

9) Fall in love. (Could be simple...or heartbreaking. I've had years filled with both. But I'm throwing my heart out there again this year. And looking for serious takers. Truly. Be men...got it?)

YOU KNOW….WHEN MEN WERE WISHY WASHY…I LET THEM GO EARLY ON. I WAS DUMPED, AND I FELL HARD IN 2010. BUT AS THE YEAR COMES TO A CLOSE…I AM FULL OF OPTIMISM. IN YEARS PAST I WAS SORT OF FULL OF "I HOPE THEY LIKE ME"…AND NOW I'M MUCH MORE OF "I'M A GREAT CATCH, AND THEY WOULD BE LUCKY FOR ME TO FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM" ATTITUDE. ALL I CAN SAY IS…I HAVE A SUNNY OUTLOOK ON MY LIFE AND YOU CAN ALL BE JEALOUS. I HAVE LOTS OF LOVE IN MY LIFE.

My NEW resolutions for 2011 are:

1. BE AN HONEST AUTHOR/WRITER. (Give advice to fans, help those who want/need to be published and give back to those who possess serious talent.)
2. BE AN HONEST GIRLFRIEND…BUT NOT TOO HONEST. (I trusted my gut a lot this year. When it wasn't working, I let men know. But I might want to work through things more. I need to realize that no one is perfect – including me – and relationships take work. Respect individuality and them you.)
3. MOVE FORWARD. (While you might not understand this…I do. I don't want to live in a condo that won't help my relationship, I don't want to work on a job that I won't be happy with (one that will just make money.) I want to move my relationships, my life, my career… forward…be progressive, not stagnate.
4. LISTEN. (I tend to be boastful. It's all about me me me….I need to listen to others and care about their needs.)
5. LOSE 20 LBS. (I can do that this year. I would like to be at my goal weight by my birthday….I know, who wouldn't?)
6. GO TO NEW YORK AND MAKE A PLAN…SELL MY SECOND BOOK ETC. (Every time I visit New York, I don't have a plan. I have a meeting. This year, I'm going to establish a plan…progressive meetings, sell books, create media buzz.)
7. BUILD UP TV CAREER….AGAIN. (I've been gone from the TV biz for 7 years….I want to get back to my roots. And I love TV.)
8. NETWORK, SEE OLD FRIENDS, AND CREATE NEW ONES. (I actually started this, this year…and I'm having a blast. My friends have not forgotten me, and are so proud I actually wrote a novel while in an insane job. So it's been so great seeing old friends who are supportive to my new endeavors with so much enthusiasm (and hopefully book me on their various TV programs!))
9. PAY ATTENTION TO THE LITTLE THINGS (Whether it's supporting a friends indie film project, or sending a card to someone in the hospital, those little things mean so much…and I want to commit to that.)
10. FALL IN LOVE. (I know…a repeat from last year…but I believe in my heart that he is out there for me…and I plan on giving out my heart to the right man in 2011.)

I wish you all a very happy new year…I will be in Pasadena at the Tournament of Roses Parade at the crack of dawn…of course, looking for single men carrying roses.

2010 was the year of FREEDOM; and 2011 in the year of REBIRTH. Bring it…. Happy New Year.

 

Heidi Carson

 

Spouse Swap

Here's another watercooler issue:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/19/fashion/weddings/19vows.html

Have you heard about the recent New York Times story wherein a blissful couple chatted it up on how they met and then had their tale spread over the pages of the newspaper? I love a good love story, (Who doesn't love a good love story?) and read about their wedded bliss with much merriment, until I started listen to talk radio. Well…I'll tell you…scorned women did not like this story.

You see this couple met at various events with their children, ballet classes, baseball games, pre-school pick up. It's unclear who was flirting with who, but what is true is both were married to other people during the flirtatious rounds. This couple claims that "nothing happened" while they were married. Hum…ever hear of the "emotional cheating" phrase. (Okay, Jennifer Anniston…here's your opportunity to tell us what really went down…)

So while this couple wants us to believe that their actions were just innocent, scorned ex-wives are down right pissed. So what they did…was it wrong or innocent?

I'm not judging here, but with 50% of marriages ending in divorce, if things aren't going great in a marriage, do you really think he isn't looking?

Recently a friend of mine invited me out for coffee wherein she had to tell me "something" (yeah…a red flag went up.) My friend is single and in her 40's, never married. She tells me she's met someone, with whom she truly adores…BUT (yep, here it comes) he's married. My friend had polled many of her friends and confesses to me that 75% of her friends have dated (or at least gone out with) someone who was married. This "fact" shocked me. Really? Her "facts" were a bit off kilter to me, but then again, what do I know? Maybe someone I've dated has been married and they never told me? My friend claims that their meeting was innocent. He told her he was married, but he was attracted to her. A friendship started and both did not expect to fall in love.

It happened to another friend of mine. She met a guy online who was not wholly truthful. They dated for a few weeks, slept with each other, and then she found out…he was married. (She then broke it off with him…) Which always makes me put up some guard, than if a man isn't happy in his relationship…he's out there looking. When he finds something, he'll break it off (or so he says.)

Now, back to the New York couple….I completely understand the pissed off scorned wife syndrome out there. I would be pretty mad if my husband started dating a friend of my child's with whom he met at the Christmas Choir event I couldn't make due to work, but I would also have to re-examine the cracks in my relationship and see if there was something worth saving. If I was completely blindsided and we were a blissful couple (and really…what couple is that happy?) then yeah, I'd be pissed.

Just as Jennifer Anniston was apparently blindsided when Brad had an emotional affair with Angelina and then divorced Jen…yeah, I get it. But Jen…were you on the set with him everyday? Or were you off making your own film? Relationships take work and it goes both ways.

So watch for those cracks that can become craters…and keep one eye open.

Ho Ho Hollywood

You know when your schedule is so crammed that you can't even think straight? I hear you…shopping, wrapping, parties, work, deadlines, Christmas merriment, and well…then there is dating! Now on top of that…Hollywood always seems to put out its best films within a six week period. (Why?) I have so many movies I want to catch up on, it boggles my mind. What to do?

So literally, today…it's raining in Hollywood (the TV news reporters react like Armageddon has arrived and we should all sit at home and not dare get on the road.) But I always go against the grain.

I hit the multiplex.

Here's a little factoid. I went to USC (University of Southern California) to study Film. I had a professor there who made a proclamation on day one…Go see movies at a movie theater. Take in the experience, and make it an event.

Over the years, as friends have built screening rooms, purchased larger-than-life TV's, I've been able to watch movies with a fire roaring, sipping a cup of hot coco, in my pjs…and here's the thing, I have always felt guilty. Films are made to be enjoyed in a theater, with an audience of more than one. This I wholly believe in.

There is this new trend here in Hollywood, and I'm not sure I'm digging it. Movie theaters are transforming the standard rows and rows of seats and making the "theater going experience" like you haven't left your living room. They are tearing out seats for sofas, serving full on gourmet meals versus popcorn, and swamping soda for beer and wine. They are assigning seats, and hiring a wait staff instead of ushers. I'm totally serious.

I will admit, I have one local "art house" theater that who is bucking the trend and has the most uncomfortable seats. But, for two hours, I can suffer through it because they show some really great films. (This theater never got the "stadium seating" trend either…so god forbid you sit behind a tall person.)

Oh and newsflash: If you decide to go on a date to a movie in Hollywood…bring your wallet. It's going to cost you. Sofas and alcohol ain't cheap and will set you back a good $15.00 a ticket to take in a blockbuster (even more if it's in IMAX or 3D). I've been on more than one date recently where he took me to the "love seat" style theater. Dude…I'll take the lazy boy chairs, we aren't in your frickin house so paws off on the love seat. (PDA in a dark theater is not cool in my book. I actually do enjoy movies. Oh and I have my own place for that stuff!)

I tend to head to outer boroughs for a bargain. My friend Lori (and fellow USC classmate) and I went to film recently and she was SHOCKED when it cost $6.75. (I know. So cheap. And yes it was a matinee, but still…that's a good deal for a matinee.) This did take some searching, but bargains can be found.

I'm kinda not cool with the whole 3D thing either. You see…these films aren't shot in 3D, they are enhanced with 3D. Maybe I'm getting old, but I get kinda dizzy watching films in 3D. And no offense, it's just a way for theaters to make more money and charge more for this experience. I watched a mother and her three crying children beg her to take them to "Yogi Bear" – but she couldn't find a "regular" version of the film and ended up shelling out an extra $20 for the 3D version, and trust me…her kids didn't need to have the 3D experience. SO what is probably going to happen in the future, she won't be able to find a "regular version", and can't afford all these rising costs (due to comfy chairs etc.) so she's not going to go to the movies, and she's going to wait until she can purchase the DVD for her three crying children to watch it at home. And wouldn't that be a shame…her kids won't get that "theater going experience".

(The 3D and IMAX cost exception would be seeing a grand film like "Avatar" – which took me multiple visits to sold out theaters before I was able to see it in IMAX 3D – and it was worth the extra costs. So film nerds…I get that, no hate mail. Thank you.)

I understand why people build their own theater experiences at home. But I don't think people understand how much they are shelling out for their "at home" movie going. Sure you can stream Netflix from your sofa, but how often were you going to the movies in the first place? Why not make it an experience and actually co-mingle with other patrons? I don't get it.

I have a friend Gary who was telling me about his 800 BluRay DVD collection and his 50 inch TV…blah blah blah. Here's the thing Gar…save your dough, go to the movies, and well...use the money from your collection for some Real Estate? Add it up…you've spend about $2,000 on your TV, Surround sound, and probably $16,000 on DVD's, you probably won't watch again, and aren't as good as when you saw them on a big screen the first time.

I have another friend Suzy, who was confessing to me that she has begun to sell some of her beloved VHS collection because she knows she's never going to watch them. Why? She no longer owns a VHS machine. You see…the technology is changing folks. Everything will eventually end up on our giant TV's and we will be able to stream everything over our cables, wifi and giant dishes shoved down our throats by the entertainment industry. But here's my point. Just go to a movie the old fashioned way…in a movie theater. And let it transport you for two hours. There is truly nothing more blissful.

Of course, I'm writing this right after I viewed "Black Swan" (for $6.75)…so I am a little disturbed right now. But that was my point. I loved every minute of my experience.

See you at the movies.

HC

 

 

Letter to Santa Claus

Dear Santa,
I'm not writing you as some young sugar high child, a sad widow who lost her husband in the war, or a victim of some horrible disease on her death bed…No. I'm just a pathetic single woman who thought if I can't find Mr. Right through every other channel, why not write to Santa Claus? I mean, as a kid, you were good to me…I put my wish list on paper and mailed it off to the North Pole and you always delivered: a pink bicycle, new roller skates and Kermit the frog sheets… Then on Christmas Day, poof, they arrived under my tree. So I thought, why not count on you once again?
With that…I would like:
A man (no boys)
Currently Single (he could be divorced, have kids…I'm good with that.)
Lives in or around Los Angeles (there are what…3 million men in Los Angeles, you must be able to find one that fits these criteria.)
Wants to love me (I was going to say…treats me like a princess…but then I thought you'd think I am younger than I really am….and also…I don't need a tiara I just want to be loved…cause rarely do I feel I get the love back.)
It'd be nice if he had a job (I'd like to retain my life as a freelance writer…and let's face facts, my money is feast of famine…famine isn't probably the best word here…might upset Angelina Jolie, so lets say…my finances aren't always fruitful…although doing pretty good thus far.)
He likes art, movies, live concerts and an occasional play and doesn't mind my obsession with really bad reality programming. (But he should understand that I've become a better cook after watching every season of Top Chef, right?)
He can laugh at himself. (I make fun of 'too serious guy' so he needs to lighten up. Plus, clearly I tend to crack myself up.)
He's not a total hermit and can hold up in a crowd (but please don't break into song in the middle of the mall.)
Doesn't maul me with total PDA (had one of those this year. That was scary.)
Carries a decent amount of chivalry (doesn't yell at waiters for example…and also should know when to pull me away when I'm having a full on melt down on Black Friday at the Best Buy yelling at the manager…thankfully my sister was there to rescue me.)
Can play scrabble with me. (I'm trying to avoid the phrase, "he has to have game"…cause I'm not taking swagger here…just someone who is smart enough to play a board game would be nice.)
Santa, I tell you all this because I've been really really good this year. I brush my teeth every night, take out the trash when it's full, do my assignments when they are due (sort of), am a good friend to my friends, and volunteer my time when I can.
So, that's all. I will expect him to be under my tree (no wrapping or bows necessary) on December 25^th.
Thanks again Santa.
Love and only love,
Heidi

Indifferent Fools

Why are women addicted to bad boys? I'm not talking about abusers (guys who hit, stalk, emotionally scar women…) I'm more looking at lazy losers, who forget to call, the indifferent attitudes, those who seriously treat you like shit, oh and the classic, those who leave their dishes out for you to pick up.
Why? What's attractive about that?
I've had one or two of these in my life (maybe even three of four). Why didn't I just walk away? If a man raised his hand to me…hell, I'd be out the door in a nanosecond. But the indifferent 'who doesn't give a shit' guy…I'll keep him around for months.
Is it the chase? The searching for answers? The 'why are you treating me like garbage when I'm the best damn thing you'll ever get so why are you doing this to me?'
I guess I want his lame answer. And I don't know why.
One of my 'indifferent idiots' constantly made plans, then on the night of the supposed date wherein I'd change into cute clothes, then wait. And wait. And wait. And wait for him to text, call or suddenly show up. Finally around 8:00pm I'd call him and get a machine. By this time, my blood would boil over, I'd put on my sweats and eat ice cream. He did it to me again. He didn't call and had me glued to my phone waiting for him to call. Usually, the next day or even up to a week later, he'd call like nothing ever happened and say, let's get together. Now the bitter me, wanted to stand him up. See how it feels. But…I was raised better than that. Plans are plans. So I'd victim-ly go out and nothing would be mentioned of the stand up from the prior day/week.
Now, I understand when "something comes up". But we are in an era of smartphones…send me an email, a text, or hell…why not call and give me your lame excuse? Are you afraid of my response? Timid lazy slacker. I truly don't/didn't/will not care. But as a woman…I want/need/desire your lame excuse.
Here's my thought: You didn't win, because you let a really good, smart, and fun girl go. (And lots of thanks for treating me like shit in the process…do you feel better? You actually hurt my feelings. You my friend, are a true dickhead.)
Once I was seeing yet another indifferent guy, and he was totally afraid to call me and tell me "I'm just not that into you". His situation was…he was just too lame to tell me the truth. Instead he led me on for months. We chatted, flirted even, yet he never made plans. Finally, I dunno, two months later, he gets the courage to tell me "I can't date you."
Of course, this was not the answer he should have told me. I would have much preferred "I'm not into you" – because saying "you can't date me" put all sorts of thoughts in my head. Was I obsessive? Did I say something to piss you off? Did I push too hard toward a relationship? What? Don't be so open ended. Just give me something to chew on so I don't recalculate every step I made with you during our "relationship". In other words, don't be an indifferent asshole.
Guys…let me fill you in here: Women…dissect every move you make, every word you utter, and re-live it out with our girlfriends. Don't confuse us. And don't be indifferent because sooner or later we just give up. You wasted our time. You are one lazy asshole.
Your loss.
(But why am I secretly hoping you'll call?)…the cycle always continues for me….