Even though there are over a million people in Los Angeles, why is it, when on a date, I happen to run into an ex? Why me? (This event has happened on more than one occasion.) Across the room I saw him staring at me, so I gave him a wink and a raise of my glass as if to toast him, but I was on a date. No, strike that, I was on a first date. I told my date I saw an old co-worker across the room which is why I was raising my glass to him. He seemed to believe me and we continued with our first date awkwardness and questions. But I couldn't stop thinking about my ex and was hoping to catch him looking at me out of the corner of my eye.
The ex did not come up to me and say Hi…he too give me the obligatory raise of his glass and them murmured something to his friends at the bar. Did he notice I was with another guy? Was he jealous I was with another guy? Was he noticing how hot I looked? And most importantly, why didn't he come up to me and say Hi. Chicken. He was chicken. Right?
- Why did I lie to my date?
- Why didn't I excuse myself and say "Hi, how are you doing?"
- Why did I secretly want my ex to call me that night (or the next couple days)?
- Why was it so hard for me to NOT call my ex for the next couple days?
Right. I wasn't over my ex. You know what. I was over my ex. But, it's just when you have a run in, you return to the good times of the relationship and for a nanosecond, it seems like a good idea to go out with him again.
Dating is tough. Getting to know someone new is tough. With an ex there is familiarity. You know each other and it's easy to slip back down the slippery slope.
My advice to you: Be strong.
When encountering an ex – remember, he's an ex for a reason. How many times do you need to give him? Remind yourself, "What would my girlfriends tell me?" (Yeah…they will tell you to move on too. Trust me. They heard you the billion times you complained about him.)
I don't think ex's really understand the ex-factor. They don't understand the weeks/months it took us to get over them. With one chance encounter out on the town, I've now had to spend the next week wondering about my ex. (This is utterly not fair.)
Two good calls to my sister and best friend snapped me right back into perspective. I have to remind myself when seeing an ex…he let a good girl go (or I let a bad guy go) – whatever the case. I prop up my self esteem (I'm a damn good catch), hit the gym (I like the endorphin high and the way my arms look in a sleeveless top), ramp up the ipod with some liberating tunes ("If You Can Afford Me" by Katy Perry is a recent fav), and troll around match.com looking for a new guy.
Moving on. And next time I see an ex, it won't take me that long to forget about him. (I hope.)