Geek Love

Every year I make a list of what I want in a man.  I write it down, put it into the universe and hope that someday, this imaginary man will float into my life. 

One item that has remained on my list (since I started making lists) was I wanted someone who enjoyed to play board games.  Hear me out on this… my sister and I have been Scrabble addicts for quite some time.  There isn’t a day when I’m not far away from a Scrabble board or Bananagrams (another fav).  For me, these word games are challenging and good exercise for the brain.  My sister and I have carted our games pretty much anywhere (Irish bars, cruise ships, coffee shops, and mom’s house to name a few.)

When I started dating my boyfriend, I was pleased to learn… he was an avid gamer too.  Some of our first “dates” were playing Cribbage over our cellphones while chatting via Skype.  Sure it was a bit dorky, but it kept us on the “phone” and he was learning I wasn’t just some dumb blonde.

Then, back in February, my boyfriend took our “gaming” dates to a new level and he dragged me to a Gaming Convention (Stategicon).  Now, I know what you are thinking.  That’s pretty dorky.  Sure the hotel ballroom was crawling with self-professed geeks, dorks, social outcasts, weirdos in costumes, and D&D enthusiasts.  I will not lie; BUT, so there were also TONS of what looked like “socially normal” men.  (FYI – The ratio of men to women was about 20-1 odds…Sweet.)

As I walked through the halls of the Gaming Convention and I saw signs like “Role Players”; “Miniatures” and “RPGs” – I was acutely aware I was not in Hollywood anymore; I was in geek heaven and in my own episode of “The Big Bang Theory”. 

Now, I will note: I was also on a mission.  I was there to learn about this subculture and interview individuals as part of a local TV show I was producing for an upcoming segment.  While I interviewed these gamers, I grew to like them even more.  They didn’t care that people thought they were different; they embraced their passion.

Here’s some other tidbits I learned about gamers…Game playing: improves math skills, utilizes your imagination, helps you solve problems (and figure out mysteries better), keeps you social with like-minded players…and bottom line….it’s FUN.  As a writer and all around creative type, while I hate math, I love strategy and solving mysteries.  These people got me and I got them.

I learned about LARPers (Live-Action Role Players) and GURPS (Generic Universal Role Playing System)…while I wasn’t about to don a costume, these “players” knew their stuff about characters and problem solving better then some of my favorite writers. These “players” were actually writing their own games, on the spot and diving into characterization.  It was like novels coming to life. I found this revelation bizarre yet fun at the same time! 

Bottom line, it was an eye opening adventure.  I stepped out of my comfort zone and embraced a whole new level of games and the gaming society.  They taught me not to judge the differences but embrace them.  Be free to play games and step into fantasy.  After all, I’ve fallen in love with a gamer and that’s exactly what I always wanted.  

Casting Call

I received this email (in an email chain) and thought I'd pass it along.  I will let you know, that I think dating on TV is RIDICULOUS...but hey, if traditional pathes aren't working for you.  Go for it. - HC

CASTING SINGLE WOMEN IN THE PURSUIT OF TRUE LOVE

We are searching NATIONWIDE for single women 21-50 years of age, all ethnicities, who are dynamic, outgoing and DETERMINED to find Mr. Right and get MARRIED for a new TV show for a major cable network.

* Are you ready to find Mr. Right and get married?
* Do you want to get married so much you can already picture your wedding day in your head?
* Maybe you're even planning it already, but just need Mr. Right to make it all complete?

If you're determined to find the right guy and start your life together, we want to hear from you!

There is pay if you are selected to be on the show, and we may even contribute to the cost of your wedding!

Filming will be minimal and accomodating to your schedule, and will be completely non-invasive.

If you want to be on this new docu-series about modern-day women in their pursuit of true love, contact us now!

TO SUBMIT:
Be sure to mention you heard about this from Jeff Gund at INFOLIST.com for priority consideration, and email ALL the information requested below ASAP to:
SaveTheDateShow@gmail.com
Be sure to include:
1. Your name (first and last)
2. Age
3. Contact phone number
4. City/State where you live
5. A brief paragraph about yourself, and why you're ready to get married
6. Two recent photos (jpg format please)
7. Be sure to mention you heard about this from Jeff Gund at INFOLIST.com for priority consideration!

Mr. Perfect

You watch TV shows and movies that showcase happy couples, you read about celebrity relationships with envy, and you see how perfect their lives all must seem.  Baloney.  I am convinced, Mr. Perfect does not exist.  I have seen husbands make breakfast, boyfriends lovingly purchasing flowers for no reason, and soul mates displaying mounds of PDA…but underneath it all, there is always a flaw. 

No one is that perfect.    

Recently I was gushing to my sister about my boyfriend and I uttered the phrase, “I’m so lucky to have found him, he’s perfect.” 

My sister’s response, “You’re kidding, right?”

I know what she was thinking.  Sure, he’s not model gorgeous, of course he has his flaws (um, he likes to play lots of video games…which can be annoying when you want him to take out the trash.)   But what I do know is that he loves me and has enriched my life.  Sure we aren’t the perfect couple; of course we’ve had arguments.  He has flaws, and bytheway, so do I.

His most frequent flaws include (but not limited): lazy, passive aggressive, fatalistic, and penny-pincher.

My flaws (according to him): argumentative, stubborn (“my way or the highway” attitude), impatient, and unrealistic (I’m a romance writer…duh.)

Basically, I can’t change him, and he can’t change me…and we argue about these flaws all the time.  When we boil over and have the all out fight…we ultimately know we can’t change one another and have to reach our settling point in who we are as humans.  We can try to be better for each other, but we ultimately have to accept each others flaws.

For years I suffered from the, “I can do better” syndrome.  Always keeping one eye open looking for Mr. Perfect.  I finally realized I will look forever and ever and I have to accept a few flaws in a mate because I myself am not perfect. 

Listen, most of my girlfriends love my boyfriend and think we are two peas in a pod and act like we’ve known each other for years.  I always remind them he’s on good behavior in front of them, but in all honesty we are two adults who actually talk things out and communicate vs. having unrealistic expectations.

He's pretty close to Mr. Perfect.

A couple years ago, I devoured a book by Lori Gottlieb “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” and at first I was appalled.  I put on my princess panties and shouted out…I will never ever settle.   But I look back now, and I think no one is really that perfect.  We have to meet in the middle somewhere.

Of course I can dream about Mr. Perfect and at times, my boyfriend really is perfect.  He loves to wake me up in the morning and make me breakfast, brings me the paper from the driveway, and gives me little back rubs when I’m sitting on the couch after a long day.  But I will not forget, he is an occasional snorer, will wear his “Cthulhu Rocks” t-shirt around the house, and loudly yells at the TV while watching soccer games at 6am.  Sometimes those flaws can be deemed cute, and other times annoying, but what I do know, is he loves me and for that, he’s my Mr. Perfect.

Getting over HIM

Everyone has a break-up story and everyone eventually moves on from it, but how long that takes for each person varies. Whether you were dating for two weeks, two months, a year, or twenty years…a break up is just that….a heart has been broken and needs a repair.

Let’s see…There was:

·        The guy I longed for in High School who didn’t give a crap about me.  Got over him pretty quickly. 

·        The “lost my virginity” to guy.  Got over him after he cheated on me. 

·        There was the on again-off again boyfriend with whom I dated most of my 20’s.  He still has some lingering effects. 

·        The office crush with whom I couldn’t date otherwise we’d both lose our jobs, but secretly we longed for each other. (Yeah, that was a waste of a year.)

·        And the long list of other dates that lasted weeks, months, and years which were other time wasters and I ignored huge signs.

But how does one mend a broken heart?   

Of course my best remedy has always been…call your girlfriends (or if you have a sister) and DISH.  Get it off your chest.  Vent about how good you were for him, and the total loser-ness he REALLY is.  Lay it on the line…cry your heart out.  All of your girl friends have been there.

Next, do NOT call him.  Ever.  Don’t think about picking up the phone.  Sending a text. Sending an email. No communication whatsoever. Opposite of Nike: Just DON’T do it.  He will think you are pathetic and pining over him …still.  And here’s the reality check, you are.  Don’t fall into this trap.  It’s hard to not call, but you will be better appreciated when you meet someone who cares about you. 

So that leads us to the next step.  Go OUT.  Flirt.  Meet random people.  Update that bio on a dating site.  Do anything but sit alone in your home waiting for a miracle to happen. It won’t…and your mind will drive you crazy wanting to reach out to him and give him another try.  Here’s a little tale: I was dating this great guy last year.  I really liked him and I thought he really liked me.  We were having lots of great dates and fantastic conversations and I thought…wow, I’ve found the one.  Then Bam…he dumps me.  Via a text message.  (I know…total jerk.)  So I didn’t wallow in my sorrow.  I called some girlfriends, started going out with them, met a couple great guys and started dating shortly after “text-dumper” pretty fast.  Of course I was comparing my next dates to him, and they didn’t really measure up to “text-dumper” – but the point I’m trying to point out is…I didn’t sit around and wait for a miracle to happen. 

Other great menders for a broken heart…Chocolate; Good Book; Spa Day (or a good mani/pedi); Chick Flicks; Oprah re-runs and any book by Marianne Williamson (Queen of female empowerment).

We’ve all been there…and yes, you can do better. Trust me.