Saturday, May 21, 2011

Show Your Flaws

I was chatting with a friend of mine. She was frustrated. Yet another guy had dumped her. “I don’t get it. I have it all - a house, good credit, a nice car, and I’m fucking hot.”

While Grace* is correct about her many great attributes, what she didn’t realize is everyone might not want to be the “perfect girl”, people can relate more to a few flaws. Even your ex.

I used to fall into this trap. I’d go on the first date and talk about myself. I’d wax poetic about how fabulous I am. Let me tell you…it never worked. Men don’t want to hear my success. They wanted to know my flaws. So I learned to be humble.

I also practice humility in my writing. Recently, my editor told me “Your character is just too perfect and the story is a ‘the dream scenario’ -- who can relate to that? Tell me how if felt when he didn’t call the next day.”

I got it instantly.

When you let down the “try to impress them” walls, a real and honest person can emerge.

So I changed my tactics (dating and writing, that is). Found my voice to be relatable on all levels. I’m not impressed easily, and in fact it’s actually a turn off when I’m with the name dropper, financial stats giver, and the flashy car driver who reveals these things on a first date. Sure these things will eventually come up…but be humble. Even though Grace* self proclaimed herself as “super hot” -- I wasn’t crying for her when she got dumped, god knows there will be another guy in the wings soon.

Bottom line: If two people put up their “fabulous” fronts….how do they really get to know each other? I know I’m not perfect. For if I was, I’d have a man by now. But I’m humble and human…and of course, I have lots of flaws.

*Grace is not her real name.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Color My World

If there were a crowd of hipsters at a club, I’d be the one in a bright colored dress in the middle of the dance floor.
I have always chosen the rosy path and live my life with a glass half full. Sure I own a black dress, but its polka dotted and I wear it with five-inch hot pink heels.

When it comes to wardrobe: I am not boring.

I think I was around twenty two when I started to develop my own sense of style. Fresh out of college (and a wardrobe straight from The Gap) I was working as a Development Executive for a production company and one of the VP’s (Nancy) always came in wearing these brightly colored sundresses. The other executives had perfect designer suits tailored to their bodies, but not Nancy. She’d breeze into the office in colorful florals, dizzying prints, and a cornucopia of relaxed fabrics.

I thought she was the coolest. When she had a big network meeting, she didn’t care. She wore her sundresses and always sold her projects. There was no “dress for success” attitude, she formed her own demeanor and executives always thought she was so comfortable and relaxed and they wanted to emulate Nancy too.

When it came time to pitch my first project to the big TV Network executives, I didn’t have the confidence to wear something so funky as Nancy. So I went out and purchased a (ahem) boring Jones New York suit. It was awkward and ill fitting. Needless to say, I was uncomfortable and the project didn’t sell.

I finally got up the guts to approach Nancy in the break room and ask her where she shopped…. “Polkadots and Moonbeams,” she returned. I went the next day to the small little hipster joint on 3rd Avenue near the Beverly Center and purchased my first “Nancy-esque” sundress and it all started…forming my sense of style.

Now I have nothing against the staple duds one finds at J. Crew and Ann Taylor. I have a few of their staples mixed into my wardrobe, but it’s the hunt to find something original that really makes my heart go pitter pat.

This sense of style has continued into my “dating” wardrobe. I have a few fun outfits to wear on first dates, some more revealing duds to show “I’m interested”, and of course some conservative clothing with a little spice for the “meet the boss/parents” dates. But everything started with feeling comfortable with what I had on. If I was forced to wear something that “wasn’t me” …it never goes well.

Whether you get inspired by someone on TV (I’m sure Sarah Jessica Parker has sold oodles of Manolos and funky mismatch short shorts for designers) or you like the way a pop star sets a trend. Try things out. One does not need to accept the boring suits trended by the executive ranks. You will stand out if you put your best dressed foot forward.

Live outside the box every once in a while, everyone always remembers the stand out.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Wedding Dates

With the Royal Wedding hoopla behind us…I have my own set of blissful events to attend. And here’s the rite of passage for the single girl: To attend a wedding solo. (In my case: Again.)

There are a couple of things I will admit to:

I’m jealous. You got a great guy and I love him and think you are a great couple. BUT I really do wish it was my wedding. The tears streaming down my face are not because I’m so damn happy for you. I’m mulling over all the guys I’ve dated and wondering why they never pulled the trigger. (Oh and I’m at your wedding solo and everyone else is married, brought a date or is ugly.)

I have taken the “friend date” who was acting like a boyfriend. I’ve taken male friends who were married (told to not wear rings), co workers (with whom I had to take them to a fine dinner for wasting an entire Saturday to go to your wedding), gay men (great dates…love the “acting as a couple” thing, and let’s face it, they can dance), and good male friends (who promised to go as long as the alcohol was free and they could watch the game.) I always made certain exceptions as long as I got a couple kisses, hand holding and maybe a slow dance.

I wanted to scream “Don’t do it” during the “….speak now or forever hold your peace” speech. I held my peace until they got divorced.

Thought your dress made your ass look huge. Unless you are a size two, please rethink they “fish tail” look. You really look like a satin sausage.

I hooked up with someone at your wedding. It was my “Wedding Crashers” moment. There…it’s been admitted.

It was a lovely event. Nice rent-a-hall. Oh and you’re totally inappropriate relatives are wasted and starting the Macarena. It wasn’t that fun…no matter how many people were dancing.

I left with a guy I didn’t bring to your wedding. This was the case when I asked my gay friend as my date to a wedding. I conveniently got a ride from the single guy I was flirting with at our table. Gay friend totally got it and left early. (His duties were done…and he was the best wing man ever.)

I have actually been dating someone and took them to your wedding. One word: torture. First, every guy thinks we are picturing our own walk down the aisle. Okay…we are. But, I usually tell my boyfriends of the time, “No Pressure”. But look: everyone knows…wedding attendance usually means women will sleep with you. So come to a happy medium. Play along with us…and let’s be happy for the blissful couple in front of us. But let’s go to the room once they cut the damn cake.

All this to say that I have three weddings to attend this summer season….Who wants to go with me?