The Force

"May the force be with you" -- Luke Skywalker
 

You walk into a party/bar/coffee shop/social gathering and scan the room. You see a guy, check to make sure he's not wearing a ring, and instantly size him up. He's cute? Or "bar cute"? Could he be the one? Is he husband material? Does he make a good living? Is he sensitive? Will he "get me"? Believe it or not, we intuitively have this instinct in us, passed down from the stone ages, will he be a good lover/provider/protector within three minutes of meeting someone.

I like to call it "The Force".

Okay, you could be a cynic like me…I do this with every viral man I meet. I will take the flaws, the beer gut, the "baggage" men carry around…but can you really know if he's "the one" within three minutes?

I had to dig deeper….
 Helen Fisher PhD says, that women typically regard rapid talkers as more educated and men with full voices as better looking than they are.

Ohmigod. She's right. Okay confession. I've been dating a rapid talker. Usually I'm a chatter box (shocking I know). So I opted to not be a big chatter on a recent date. Let him tell me all about himself. And you know what…I was instantly more attracted to him. Before him, I had a crush of "deep voice guy". (I told him he should go into voiceovers…because he has the sexiest voice on the planet…and I would listen to him read me the phonebook.) Totally intrigued by this Helen woman now…

She goes on to say that we basically form an opinion within the first three minutes and, we know pretty early on if we will say yes to date two. Helen says, that the "more you interact with a person you like (even slightly), the more you come to regard him as good looking, smart, and similar to you."

Now…okay I'm going back to quoting "Marry Him" by Lori Gottleib: "I can't make myself become attracted to someone…you have to feel it from the beginning. If you aren't physically attracted when you meet them, you're always forcing it and it never works."
 Right. But if you are mildly attracted to them…keep dating him. There might be something about those first three minutes and the force that pull you toward him….right?

So your next outing to a party/ bar/coffee shop/social gathering…let him do the talking…size him up and let me know your thoughts. Did you get a date? Did you say yes to date two? Or were you just not attracted to him?

Let's discuss….