An Education

Once on a girls weekend, my friend Katie blurted out that one her requirements in a mate was a college degree. This rubbed a few of the women the wrong way. Another gals husband did "some" college, but was not a college graduate. "I wouldn't date him," was Katie's honest answer, even though we all love Pattie's husband. Why not?

And just the other night, I was out with some single gals at a wine bar and bing Naomi got a "wink" from a guy on match.com. We instantly sized up his profile. "Urgh, he did "some" college. No way," said Naomi. This was a serious deal breaker for her as well.

Ladies, should we narrow the field? What's wrong with guys sans diplomas?

"If he couldn't finish college, than it shows he doesn't have drive…" stated Naomi. "I need someone who can go toe to toe with me in a conversation."

How can you tell he can't go toe to toe with you in a conversation without even meeting him? How do you know he's not a self starter? Are you only interested in men in your field who can talk to you about your job? What about them? Don't you think you'll be smart enough to date someone who is interesting on his own? Wouldn't that get a bit boring if you only talked about yourself and your things?

So I asked Naomi, "How do you know without meeting someone whether or not they are interesting and can't carry on a conversation?"

"I've learned from experience. I've dated a lot of men, and I've tried to date men who did "some college" and they usually are intimidated by me."

Our other friend explained, out of Naomi's earshot, "she's a bit high maintenance."

You think?

Then I had lunch with my friend Rosemary yesterday whose husband did not graduate from college but played in the NFL. Would Naomi knock him off of her list? I don't think so….

But it brought up something to me. Over the years, I've dated men who went to college and men who made their wealth by working their ways from the bottom up and never went to an institute of higher learning. I've dated teachers, lawyers, men in the medical field a variety pack of white collar jobs. I've also dated men in blue collared jobs: tradesmen, law enforcement, baristas; and then the artists….musicians, actors, writers as well. Each and every category has pluses and minuses.

An education is a great thing, but sometimes, it's not for all. I look back at my own college experience as hard to capsulate. It all started with figuring out what I want to be, then leaving the nest, moving to the big city, keeping myself on budget, my grades in good standing, working my part time job, as well as writing, producing and editing my student films, not to mention dating and have a social life..well…my education wasn't just about what I was learning in the lecture halls. It was about how to live, and learn how others lived.

But do I narrow the dating field to only educated men? The older I get I'm more interested in someone who is financially stable than their GPA in the early 20's. Do they have drive? Will they be good providers? Do they have hobbies? And of course, can we carry on a conversation? My questions now tend to be, "do you own or rent?" – not whether or not someone went to college.

If I skimmed out the men who only graduated college, I'd miss out on many men I dated and learned a great deal from. Sometimes it's okay to look at the other side of the coin, some men who didn't go to college might not be in serious debt (like the over-educated lawyer I dated…who was well into six figures in debt). Is their debt worth it so you can carry on a conversation?

Right?