Going the Distance

I have a friend who hasn’t been all that successful in her online dating quest.  As she teeters on the “give-up moment” I told her she should widen her search.  Date out of the area if you will.

“I don’t want to drive that far,” was her simple response.  

You’re kidding, right?

Here’s the deal, I lived in a beautiful, yet far location, just north of Los Angeles.  I moved there because I was working in Malibu (which is beautiful but far from Los Angeles, too.)  I dated men from Santa Barbara to San Diego…and put in my profile, “I don’t mind driving.”  While gas prices soar, yes, it’s a bit harder on the wallet, but my search was successful.  Why narrow your options? 

While Los Angeles is crawling with men, sometimes it’s refreshing to get out of “the norm” and find someone who is completely different from you.  If you’ve had your fair share of men in “your area”…branch out and see what else is out there.  What do you have to lose? (This also applies to New Yorkers who just can’t seem to get off their island.)

It is no secret I’ve been dating someone.  We are complete opposites, not to mention, lived on opposite ends of town.  When we met, I was living a THREE hour drive from him (and that’s without traffic).  We did all the communications routes: called, texted, skyped, emailed until we finally met face-to-face.  I knew so much about him when we met in person, it was as if we were already dating.  Living far away from each other gave us a chance to plan our dates, make our face-to-face dates special occasions which turned into weekend long visits and well…absence does make the heart grow fonder.  It took him a whopping three months before he asked me to move in with him.  And you know what…I eventually moved.  (I wanted to anyway…bad juju living close to my prior job was annoying me.)  Now I know this is an extreme case of odd things working out, but what if I never agreed to go out with him because he lived so far away?  Wouldn’t that have been a crime too?

I have heard stories of men who drive to far away locations to meet women and women who drive long distances to meet men…and they turn out horrible and they feel trapped.  First, I’m not advocating you stay at their place or move right away.  I’m merely suggesting you give them a try and not be so narrow minded in your quest.  Now, it also helped that my boyfriend was living in an area I actually wanted to move to.  I will admit, I wasn’t really interested in going to say Bakersfield (sorry Bakersfield…it’s too hot for me), and I definitely had some “winking” men from the Inland Empire – those weren’t necessarily cities I wanted to move to.  

One thing I did discover was once I said “yes” to moving, he was also open into the idea of us getting a place together so I didn’t feel like I was moving into his place or vice versa.  Many friends and family were leery of my move “it’s too soon,” “you own your place, why doesn’t he move to you?” etc etc…The simple thing is, we were far apart, and now we are under the same roof.  Happy and making it all work out.

And before you give me any “but, but, but…” my boyfriend said he would have never have made communication with me in our dating process because I lived too far.  That’s right…I approached him.  I was willing to move.  I was willing to drive.  I was willing to try new things.

So take this sage advice.  Widen the net. Cause I’m not home alone with my two cats anymore.