Sunday, October 10, 2010

Pull the Trigger


Okay, has this ever happened to you? You have been emailing a guy. You get along great but he never asks you out? And then he drops the excuse… "I'm new in town. Where do you want to meet?"
Really? Do we need to do everything? Get a plan, call, and be a man. This is called: Pulling the trigger.

From simple first dates, to asking a girl to the school dance, to busting a first kiss, and well hell, the holy grail of proposing with a ring…these are all "trigger pull" issues for men. This is not the day and age to be shy, sit in the corner, and wait for us to tell you what we want…just do it. Rejection is not that bad.

The First Date Triggers: There are a gaggle of Starbucks worldwide. So if you want a simple first date. Pick one and meet there. Now, how hard was that? Pull it. End of story. For the more adventurous first daters, suggest a restaurant or activity (bowling, miniature golf, ice skating, movie etc). It is perfectly acceptable to ask what type of food we like (not everyone is a sushi eater, or they might be a vegetarian.) Do a little research, read some restaurant reviews, maybe scope out the restaurant in a drive by, get the movie times, and then pull the trigger with a plan. Easy!

The Trigger Kiss: You know that awkward moment, you're on your second or third date and you wouldn't mind for the guy to kiss you goodnight. So let's say, he walks you to your car, if you're not interested…you jump in the car and say thanks. You dodged a bullet. BUT, if you give him a hug, lock eyes and tilt you head. This is the universal symbol to give us a kiss. Now I'm not saying to go in full throttle PDA and make out in a parking lot. But throw us an interest. If you turn and go and don't even walk us to our car…well, yeah…we get it. Not interested.

I went out with a guy recently who got nervous every time he went to kiss me. "I don't like kissing in a parking lot" he told me. Seriously, he gave me a peck and five minutes later texted me "I wish I could have really kissed you…" So, why didn't you? Hello???

Now, what should he have done?

A) Gave me a more than a peck in the parking lot.
B) Whispered in my ear that he wanted to kiss me more and suggest a location to go other than the parking lot.
C) Waited until the next date wherein the date would end in an intimate location not a parking lot.
D) All of the above.
My answer would have been B. (His text was actually kinda close to "whispering".) So where did this lead to? Yes…we met up ten minutes later and had a wonderful make out session back at my place…because afterall…he was a non-trigger puller and I knew he wanted me to make it simple for him.

The 'back in the saddle' non trigger puller: You know the type. He was just burned in a relationship, or divorced, or just a guy who hasn't been on a lot of dates. He's forgotten how to date! Please, please, please. Call with a plan. I was communicating with one of these lately. He loved to email but the thought of actually meeting scared the crap out of him. Would I be disappointed in what he looked like? Would I notice that he didn't date much? Didn't have much hair? Was I sure I wanted to go out with him. Hello….if you lied in your "online profile" – that's your issue. There was something in your profile and emails that peaked my interest to at least go out for a cup of coffee and meet you. Stop with the witty emails and wasting way too much of my time. Let's just meet. Pull the trigger.

You know what really drives me mad? These 'back in the saddle' types who ask way too many questions. Example: Terry was a serial non-trigger puller. He'd send me these great emails. Full of witty responses, thoughtful messages, and caring thoughts. But Terry could not for the life of him pull the trigger. He could never commit to a date, location, or time. I knew he was interested, but coming up with suggestions was getting old. I was leading him to water way to many times. Here's a classic line he'd write me: "I'm thinking about going out to dinner with you. Do you know any great Italian restaurants? What's your week looking like? "

Now…Terry's not really asking me on a date he just wants some suggestions. And he doesn't tell me how his week looks like, but wants to know mine.

So I screw with Terry. "I'm free tonight. There is a great Italian place around the corner from my apartment. Wanna meet at 7:00pm?" Yeah…didn't date him very long. His tactic didn't work because he didn't know how to make a plan and pull the trigger.

Hope this is enlightening to my male readers. Ladies…can I get an amen?

You're welcome.

HC

1 comment:

  1. Forget the Amen, Heidi. I give you a Hell to the YEAH! For Pete's sake, nothing makes women crazier than indecisive men. Guys wonder why we go for bad boys, even know we know we shouldn't? Because for better or worse, they take charge. There's a lesson worth learning from the bad boys.

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