Lost in Translation

You've heard the phrase, "men are from Mars and women are from Venus." While I don't think we are from outer space, I do think men are men and women are women…we are just simply wired differently.

Recently I had a friend who went on vacation to China. She took these fabulous pictures of all these signs that were meant to be read by English speaking tourists. They cracked me up…but it also brought up and interesting point. Sometimes our messages and actions can be interpreted in many ways. Since I'm not a guy, I'm often flabbergasted when I get an email, text or a voicemail message that makes no sense. Is he trying to tell me something? Is he being vague because maybe he has a girlfriend and I'm his side show? Does he really think it's okay to cancel on me again? What is going on? Are you just not that into me?

Here's a secret: When I'm about to get my period…I cry. Cry at the emotional coffee commercials, cry at the inspirational talk shows, hell, I cry during a funny sitcom. Literally, I will sit there with my Kleenex and think…I should go buy some tampons. Men…you cannot understand this feeling. You just can't and well…I don't understand it myself. I just know when I start to cry at totally lame commercials, I'm probably pre-menstrual.

Somewhere in our breakdowns between the sexes we have to come to the realization that we're different. I wholly believe this is why both men and women need their spaces in their houses. Call them "man caves" or "craft rooms" or whatever…just give me some alone time and move out of my way.

Which brings me to my madness today….I've been dating a guy who always comes up with the loftiest tales to tell me when he wants to cancel a date. Common one liners are: I'm sick; I have to work late; I'm too tired… etc. All signs are pointing he's not that into me. BUT when I bring it up to him…he honestly thinks no, that's not the case…he's just sick, tired, and working too much. I should just understand, move out of his way. The game is on. And that's when I crack. The calm rational girl and me walks out of the house and goes for a walk to blow off my steam. But in reality, I call my best friend and have a major bitch session. The guy has screwed up …again and he just doesn't get it.

Now I am no fool. I know when there is a baseball playoff game on, I understand the Sunday football commitments, and when something better comes up like….ah…sitting on the couch…I get it. Who isn't tired?

So is he lying? Or am I just lost in the male translation of his actions? Does he just need space and doesn't know how to verbalize this to me? I don't want to come off as some needy chick who is constantly calling him or texting him…but can you give me a bit more than "I'm sick."? Yes..this is where we differ. Men think that's the excuse and end of story. Newsflash: Women need more. We want to know you are committed. Try this: "Honey, I'm not feeling well but I promise to take you out on next Friday, if I feel better." Now was that so hard?

I don't think men and women will ever really know or understand one another, for now, we are just going to be lost in translation. So if I start crying when a Folgers commercial comes on you can just politely move out of the way and I will try and understand your Sunday ritual of sitting around in a smelly football jersey eating chips and watching football all day rather than having sex.

Well, I'll try and understand that.

HC