The Force

"May the force be with you" -- Luke Skywalker
 

You walk into a party/bar/coffee shop/social gathering and scan the room. You see a guy, check to make sure he's not wearing a ring, and instantly size him up. He's cute? Or "bar cute"? Could he be the one? Is he husband material? Does he make a good living? Is he sensitive? Will he "get me"? Believe it or not, we intuitively have this instinct in us, passed down from the stone ages, will he be a good lover/provider/protector within three minutes of meeting someone.

I like to call it "The Force".

Okay, you could be a cynic like me…I do this with every viral man I meet. I will take the flaws, the beer gut, the "baggage" men carry around…but can you really know if he's "the one" within three minutes?

I had to dig deeper….
 Helen Fisher PhD says, that women typically regard rapid talkers as more educated and men with full voices as better looking than they are.

Ohmigod. She's right. Okay confession. I've been dating a rapid talker. Usually I'm a chatter box (shocking I know). So I opted to not be a big chatter on a recent date. Let him tell me all about himself. And you know what…I was instantly more attracted to him. Before him, I had a crush of "deep voice guy". (I told him he should go into voiceovers…because he has the sexiest voice on the planet…and I would listen to him read me the phonebook.) Totally intrigued by this Helen woman now…

She goes on to say that we basically form an opinion within the first three minutes and, we know pretty early on if we will say yes to date two. Helen says, that the "more you interact with a person you like (even slightly), the more you come to regard him as good looking, smart, and similar to you."

Now…okay I'm going back to quoting "Marry Him" by Lori Gottleib: "I can't make myself become attracted to someone…you have to feel it from the beginning. If you aren't physically attracted when you meet them, you're always forcing it and it never works."
 Right. But if you are mildly attracted to them…keep dating him. There might be something about those first three minutes and the force that pull you toward him….right?

So your next outing to a party/ bar/coffee shop/social gathering…let him do the talking…size him up and let me know your thoughts. Did you get a date? Did you say yes to date two? Or were you just not attracted to him?

Let's discuss….

Coupon Tom

My friend Sara is at a crossroads in her recent relationship. She has been dating Coupon Tom. It's what you're thinking. The guy who only takes her to places he has a coupon too. "It shows he's frugal, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, right?"
Right….I think… I had to dig deeper.
Sara's story started off by her telling me she rejected Coupon Tom's suggestion of Buca Di Beppo (he had a "buy one entrée, get the second one free" coupon, of course). "It just wasn't romantic. That's more of a family style restaurant and I didn't want to be sucked into it, just because he had a coupon." Sara then suggested The Chart House for appetizers and drinks instead. (Good move.) But her story didn't end there. While dining at the lovely Chart House, Coupon Tom was sucked into their "rewards program" to get future coupons. Say What?
Houston we have a problem. Coupon Tom is addicted to…well…coupons.
Look, I'm all about the coupons. I use them personally. And in fact, I have ads and coupons on this website for you all to save some money (and please use them…that includes you Coupon Tom!) If a date made a suggestion of a restaurant and then used a coupon, I would have no issue. But if he only suggested restaurants with coupons or rewards programs, well, then that's a little tacky.
We can face facts, in this day and age, we are all trying to save money. I have rewards programs tied to my credit card and I use my "rewards points" toward travel and hotel rooms…does that make me cheap too? I don't think so.
Let me fill you in here. Celebrities…they love free stuff and coupons. The "swag bags"; gifting suites, free invitations to all those great parties (where laymen have to pay hundreds or sometimes thousands of dollars to attend) not to mention the perks at restaurants, bars and the free concert tickets. They get a plethora of freebies. And that's why they show up. And the events/restaurants get to say "Leonardo DiCaprio showed up at my event!" -- it's a win-win situation. They get the notoriety and the celebrity gets something for free.
I have a friend who is a private chef who once said to me, "rich people are cheap" and you know what…he's right. So let's all take pause here. While Coupon Tom only uses coupons, he probably drives a nice car, owns a house, and dresses well. "He does!" exclaims Sara. So while he might not be spending money on her right now, as she asserts herself into new suggestions and different restaurants, take the "rewards programs" and allow him to wine and dine you for more nights out but if he can't break away from only using coupons, you might need to tell him, "I'm not a two-for-one" and move on.
One of my favorite sites is Groupon.com: Here's a link: http://www.groupon.com/r/uu3755405
For my friends with kids: Here's a printable coupon for Buca di Beppo: http://www.bucadibeppo.com/pdf/CouponNational.pdf
Oh and hey Sara, I put up a coupon for Match.com (on the left banner).... You can either use it yourself or give it to Coupon Tom when you dump him J
HC

Gasp…I’m a Romance Writer

A male friend of mine recently asked me point blank how difficult was it for me to "reveal" I manage a dating blog and I write Chick Lit (aka Romance) novels to my dates.

My response was simple: This is not something I blurt out on a first date. (If I did….let's face facts, they would run for the hills.) Usually I tell my dates I'm a writer and write about woman and female subject matters…nothing they'd be into. If they prod me…I am proud of my honesty here…so let them in on my little secret, read it for all its glory. I am a published writer and well…I'm writing about dating…so are you a good kisser. Come closer….inspire me.

Believe me. When a date finds out I manage this blog, I set them straight with some facts:

1. When I'm dating someone, I do not write about them. I might incorporate a story they told me, but I will ask them first.
2. I do not recreationally date multiple people at once. (I am not swimming in tons of free time.) So I take my dating pretty serious. If I'm dating someone, I'm usually only dating them…not multiples. (However, there have been periods in my life where I've dated more than one person…and that's a future blog post…but I'm not proud of that either.)
3. I ask them to respect my subjects and not ask too many questions to figure out who I'm writing about. I usually change names of people I write about. (But I have named my sister and best friend…and I'm not sure they liked that…so from now on…they will be "friends" with random names.)
4. I usually try and explain what type or writing I do and explain it this way: Chick Lit writers tend to "fumble" in the bedroom. Can he figure out that I'm wearing a front closing bra? And Romance writers tend to write epic multiple orgasmic sex scenes. I am a Chick Lit writer. If I figure out my dates are turning on me before my eyes, I think to myself, "but let's have sex and maybe I'll be inspired to write a romance novel."
5. Yes…I worked for a celebrity. Big international superstar. I don't work there anymore. (For the record: my novel is NOT about my former boss or any experience I've ever had working there…because a novel is a work of fiction people!)
6. If you break my heart…I might be tempted to write about you somewhere down the line. So don't break my heart.

The funny thing I've learned is, usually my dates WANT me to write about them. (Funny huh?) I think it's some male ego thing to have their name in print, or that they bagged a chick from a dating blog. Whatever…I just find it amusing really.

The other thing I've learned is…men will read my blog once…and never go back. (So I don't think they are checking up on me.) In fact I recently saw a guy who I must have wrote 5 or 6 posts about…didn't have a clue. I told him… "You should really read my blog more often, you might find it interesting." –So we'll see if he calls me again.

Bottom line, I'm a writer… and damn proud of it. So keep reading, tell your friends and well. Laugh, cry and send me your dating stories. I'm all ears.

HC

Got My Cook On

I recently read an article where the writer was expounding on what she learned about dating with 31 things she wished she knew in her 20's. Number 12, she wishes she learned to cook and cook well. It helps a lot. Ahhhh to be a good cook, in her view…a way to a man's heart was through his tummy.


Link to Glamour Magazine article: http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=23779082#atoolb

On the eve of my birthday…where I'm one year older, and in my thought wiser, I have recently got my "cook on". For you see, I am the daughter of a family cook (he wasn't a chef at a restaurant or anything…) but my dad claimed that he was taught by the famed Cordon Bleu Culinary School. And my dad was one killer cook. Every Sunday, he'd hit the farmed markets, multiple grocery stores, and cook up some of my most memorable dinners. Sunday Dinner is still a tradition in my family. And as an adult, when I'm home alone, I usually try and whip up a culinary masterpiece on Sundays, whether for myself, with friends, or dare I say…a man.

I'm also a big believer in the dinner party. I introduced couples who eventually married at one of my famed dining adventures. I've had people meet and create multi-million dollar venture deals…all at my humble dinner table. I love to gather friends and family. It's what really makes my heart tick.

Recently, I was "hired" by a friend to be a caregiver for her elderly father John. She asked me if I could cook dinner for her dad too. My first day on the job, I looked in the fridge and the pantry and dare I say? I was in the "prepared food nightmare". The entire freezer and pantry had boxed dinners. Now, I have nothing against Stove Top stuffing and Rice-a-Roni…but I decided to try out some of my favorite dishes for John. After dining on my breaded filet of sole with lemon sauce, honey-glazed carrots and wild rice with slivered almonds…John looked at me and asked, "now, why aren't you married?' (Made me just love John all the more.) For a week, I cooked this man beautiful food for very little money. Now I will confess, the "bread" of the "breaded filet of sole", was Bisquick, because for the life of me…I couldn't find flour in the pantry! But…that's what a creative cook does…you make due with what you have and a little trial and error just makes you a better cook. (FYI – John is currently on the hunt to set me up, so this could get interesting….but these are my adventures for you…so enjoy.)

I have a multitude of dishes in my repertoire, but ladies, I think it is of the upmost importance to know how to cook four simple items that will wow any date. They'll actually think you can cook, even if you don't think you can.

Here are the dishes to master:

• 
  
  Roast Chicken – this is SO easy and they think you slave over the stove. You don't. Literally you prep a chicken (take it out of a bag, wash it); salt and pepper and throw into the cavity of the bird: Onions OR oranges and lemons. Drizzle some olive oil and sprinkle your favorite herbs on top (dried thyme, basil, rosemary…or whatever you have on hand…Mrs. Dash? Whatever really…) and throw it in a 350 degree oven for an hour and 20 minutes…make some rice and a vegetable…Voila, dinner is served. So simple.
• 
  
  Simple Spaghetti sauce from scratch: I say "scratch" – but really a couple cans of quality stewed tomatoes, dried and fresh herbs (hello basil), olive oil, crushed garlic, diced onions, salt and pepper. Really…it's not that difficult but you can really dazzle a guy by making sauce from "scratch" – and you don't need to tell him the tomatoes came from a can. If you can boil pasta…you can make this dish. Trust me.
• 
  
  Grilled meat: Ladies. Men like steak. If you can take over their beloved grill…go for it. If the grill is "his domain" – pan frying is delicious too. Simply add butter to the pan (its true…everything tastes better with butter) and here's the key – once you get a sear…turn down the heat and continue cooking it low and slow for another 10 minutes. Then let the meat REST for 5 minutes. This allows it to continue cooking and keep juicy. After cooking your steak, add onions and mushrooms and deglaze it with some red wine or balsamic vinegar…and well…your man will have died and gone to heaven. Oh and for brownie points…make homemade French fries. Again…super easy. Oven at 400 – cut up a potato (or sweet potato) into match sticks sprinkle with oil and salt…bake for 10-12 minutes. He'll think you are a super woman…and it took you no time.
• Apple Pie: I actually like to bake and I used to hate apple pie (I wasn't a fan of warmed fruit). Then I went to a picnic and tasted a homemade pie and was hooked. When I learned how easy to bake a homemade apple pie…well, I became a fan and truly, everyone loves a homemade apple pie. Now…I will confess…I'm not a "crust maker" – (Martha Stewart purist I'm not.) Since Pillsbury makes a fine crust in the perfect dimensions…why would I even think about chilling butter and making my own homemade crust? Exactly…you don't need to master crust making either. So buy a pre-made crust (or make your own if you dare…but trust me, your guy/guests they won't know the difference). Filling: peel and slice about 8 small granny smith apples, zest of one lemon, juice of 2 lemons, add ½ cup of sugar, ¼ cup of flour, sprinkle on cinnamon and nutmeg (to your liking). Put them in the pie shell. Cut up half a stick of butter (1/4 cup) and add pieces of butter into the apples. Cover the pie with other crust and cut slits on the top. Brush with milk and sprinkle with sugar. Bake for 10 minutes in a 400 degree oven (on a cookie sheet); reduce the heat to 350 degrees and bake for another 40-45 minutes. Hello. So easy…serve with vanilla ice cream. And you score major points.

The cynical one in me is thinking…if I'm such a good cook, how come I'm not married? Well….I'm usually not cooking for my dates. So this is going to change. Because, if cooking is a way to a man's heart, I feel I need to stop having so many parties, and start creating more intimate dinners. Oh, and for my birthday, I am purchasing a new dining room table if nothing else, I will be whipping up romantic dinners for two.

Sweet!

HC