You cave.
You call/text/send email to him.
You instantly regret the act.
You just had a moment of weakness.
I know you just wanted to see how he was doing because you left everything on good terms. He’s your friend now.
Okay, stop kidding yourself. Anything he will say will not be good. You will analyze every word, letter, sentence structure. Um…you are pathetic. Like me.
Recently my friend *Claire did such a thing. She knew the answer. She had heard through the grapevine that her ex was already online and dating a new girl. For as many “you dodged a bullet” pep talks I could give my friend, I knew she was hurting. She just wanted to know what he was doing…or did she really?
Claire is like all of us single gals. We want them to hurt but we can’t move on until we hear the truth. He has actually moved on and does he still miss us.
I have many exes (do I need to remind you how many?) who read my blog who are utterly confused with how many men I am actually dating at a time. (You sweetheart are the only one…I swear…she says crossing her fingers and toes).
I’m an utter mystery. And so are men.
I simply stopped trying to figure them out.
I have had so many moments of weakness it would make my feminist lit professor blush. Here’s the thing, we all just want to feel wanted and maybe even loved. I have said it many times…it’s all about the chase. When someone really likes us…they chase us. When they don’t. We obsess over the reason why not. Then we sit home alone slowly going mad. And have moments of weakness.
Oprah moment: Here’s what I know for sure… Men don’t think of us nearly as much we do them. In fact, he doesn’t even think about it until we bring it up.
Now, a weak moment isn’t just in those first weeks/months after a break up. The littlest thing can bring him back into our conscience. In fact, just the other day while sitting around having cocktails with my girlfriends, I nonchalantly asked about a guy I went to college with (moons ago). Then I got his number and called him. Thankfully he didn’t answer, but that was a close call.
Calling men in these moments of weakness all lead to men thinking one thing: We are desperate. (Borderline stalkers too.)
It’s true.
So re-examine that message you are planning on sending. Now imagine him reading your letter to his guy friends over a beer.
What do you see? Right. They all think you are a nut.
Look, I know you are not a desperate nut. I know you just miss him. He was your friend who you spent a lot of time with over the months and years. You miss him. But be strong.
If he’s moved on, you should move on.
He will not answer all of your questions. He will not let you in on his new love life. And most importantly he will not tell you WHY you two can’t remain friends right now. He might be hurting too.
Be strong not weak for you are a great catch. (I’m scanning my rolodex now to see who I can set you up with.)
HC
*Claire is not her real name.
No comments:
Post a Comment