Letter to Santa Claus

Dear Santa,
I'm not writing you as some young sugar high child, a sad widow who lost her husband in the war, or a victim of some horrible disease on her death bed…No. I'm just a pathetic single woman who thought if I can't find Mr. Right through every other channel, why not write to Santa Claus? I mean, as a kid, you were good to me…I put my wish list on paper and mailed it off to the North Pole and you always delivered: a pink bicycle, new roller skates and Kermit the frog sheets… Then on Christmas Day, poof, they arrived under my tree. So I thought, why not count on you once again?
With that…I would like:
A man (no boys)
Currently Single (he could be divorced, have kids…I'm good with that.)
Lives in or around Los Angeles (there are what…3 million men in Los Angeles, you must be able to find one that fits these criteria.)
Wants to love me (I was going to say…treats me like a princess…but then I thought you'd think I am younger than I really am….and also…I don't need a tiara I just want to be loved…cause rarely do I feel I get the love back.)
It'd be nice if he had a job (I'd like to retain my life as a freelance writer…and let's face facts, my money is feast of famine…famine isn't probably the best word here…might upset Angelina Jolie, so lets say…my finances aren't always fruitful…although doing pretty good thus far.)
He likes art, movies, live concerts and an occasional play and doesn't mind my obsession with really bad reality programming. (But he should understand that I've become a better cook after watching every season of Top Chef, right?)
He can laugh at himself. (I make fun of 'too serious guy' so he needs to lighten up. Plus, clearly I tend to crack myself up.)
He's not a total hermit and can hold up in a crowd (but please don't break into song in the middle of the mall.)
Doesn't maul me with total PDA (had one of those this year. That was scary.)
Carries a decent amount of chivalry (doesn't yell at waiters for example…and also should know when to pull me away when I'm having a full on melt down on Black Friday at the Best Buy yelling at the manager…thankfully my sister was there to rescue me.)
Can play scrabble with me. (I'm trying to avoid the phrase, "he has to have game"…cause I'm not taking swagger here…just someone who is smart enough to play a board game would be nice.)
Santa, I tell you all this because I've been really really good this year. I brush my teeth every night, take out the trash when it's full, do my assignments when they are due (sort of), am a good friend to my friends, and volunteer my time when I can.
So, that's all. I will expect him to be under my tree (no wrapping or bows necessary) on December 25^th.
Thanks again Santa.
Love and only love,
Heidi