Once I joined one of the many internet dating sites (all featured here) I got on some email list in which they give me tips on how to be a better dater. I love getting these emails. I read…actually, no, I study them. My personal fav was the recent "Questions to ask on a first date" written by a psychologist who has studied the dating mind, but let's face facts, is probably married and in her fifties and hasn't been on a date in ten years. The inane questions were cracking up, but at the same time, I did put a few into use for my next rendezvous'.
I've also talked to my dates. I asked them what were turn offs and turn ons? Generally we hate it when you put up a picture wherein you cut out the woman (or man) from your profile picture. We don't care if it's your sister or friends from a wedding. Just get a friend to snap a few general photos of you. And don't take your own photo in some rico suave lip pucker from your cellphone. Don't come up with a lame moniker like "BoinkingMan" or "Doingitdoggiestyle" -- I personally like easy monikers like "niceguychad" or "rick5592" – be bland, not vulgar.
Once you get the date and you are armed with your own first date questions. Don't forget to focus on your answers. I'm not saying to lie, I'm just saying…you shouldn't divulge too much. Please avoid revealing the following:
"My ex wife/ex girlfriend used to…" Ah, we don't care about your ex. Actually we do care about your ex, we just don't want to hear about her and definitely not on a first date.
"My therapist/guru/healer told me…" Okay…this is a total signal you are mentally challenged. While I'm thrilled you are at your therapist healing yourself and working some of your issues, I don't need to know or think and wonder about them on a first date. Keep those to yourself until about date 4 or 5.
- "What would Jesus want us to do?" WTF is usually my response to this question. Call me crass, and for the record, I'm all about Christian beliefs but if you need to pray to figure out where to have dinner, I'm not your gal.
"I live with my parents." Excuse me? Did he just say he lives at home? I don't need to know your financial status (unemployed, paying huge alimony etc…), we are in a recession, trust me I get it, and I don't need to know you moved home to help your sick or elderly parent…just don't tell me on a first date. You won't get a second.
"Look at these cute pictures of my Chihuahua." If you have a toy dog, I will assume you are gay. That said, I have a very manly man friend in construction with a poodle. And I give him hell all the time. If you are dating another obsessive pet person, then maybe you can bend the rule here, but a recent date had to tell me about his dog and show me all the photos of it on his cellphone. Needless to say, I haven't called him back.
"I'm into role playing….and can't get together on Saturday because we are having a duel…" – whether its D&D, LARP-ers (Live Action Role Players), World of Warcraft…whatever…..Just why would you feel the need to tell a girl on a first date you are trying to impress? She doesn't care. That's why I don't tell you about my obsession with Bravo reality shows. You don't need to know what's on my TiVo list. I call this my own personal private time. What you want to share are things like: "I have a 401K" and "I'm looking into remodeling my kitchen" which shows women you are a saver and a home owner not some escapist freak who needs his free time with a joystick. Got it. Don't bring up your odd hobbies. (I'm sure you've read the tale of how I spent a few dates with an action figure collector….I finally told him I didn't come packaged in a perfect plastic bubble container and he broke up with me…ah good riddance.)
HC
I think you need to hook the dog-obsessed guy up with my friend in San Diego!!! To some (including myself), that's a major plus. Everything else, I totally agree with.
ReplyDeleteKeep on fighting the battle against bitter, my friend. Because nothing makes a guy run faster than a bitter single woman. Trust me.