Sex Scandal

This morning while working out at the gym, I glanced up and watched Meredith Veira on the TV talking about the female Duke student who wrote a 42 page Power Point presentation on her various sexual partners. The female student emailed it to three friends…and well…they didn't keep it to themselves. Opps.

So this student is in a pickle. Or is she? She wrote a pretty funny, well written, ah hem, accurate diatribe on stupid things men think is sexy (FYI…guys take some notes here.) But did she really think her three friends would just keep it to themselves? The female student was interviewed with jezebel.com wherein she defends herself stating, "Fraternities rank women all the time." True. They just don't write up a 42 page Power Point presentation on it.

So is she wrong?

With my variety of female magazines surrounding my desk (that's you, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, InStyle, Marie Claire, Elle, Lucky, Allure) and all your articles on sex positions, how to talk to men in bed, etc etc. What's the difference? Right. She posted pictures of her subjects. (That was slander…especially for those lower ranked.) But the real question is…did she or did she not mean it to go viral?

Now I'm not going to sit here and condone this student. She's young, made an obvious mistake. Let's face facts, people are talking about it, and she's going to get a book deal out of this. Hell, she'll probably get hired by a woman's magazine to blog about dates. But I digress.

Beyond spending way too many hours after each date writing up her dissertations on the male anatomy or saving various sext messages from her partners…she obviously thought it was important to tell her friends before they headed to the bar. A little "pre warning" to her friends if they encountered any of these men at the local watering hole. (Bytheway…I do think it's sad that she never had any real "relationships" with these men…just sex.)

So what did she do? Well…she sized up men by outlining eight categories. Physical Attractiveness, Size, Talent, Creativity, Aggressiveness, Entertainment (she provides 'dirty talk' transcripts), athletic ability and my favorite category "Bonus" where she gave men extra points for having an Australian accent, but minus points for being Canadian. (Funny!)

Now, have you ever called a friend after a date and given them the blow-by-blow? Of course you have. Who doesn't do this? But intimate details of my sexual encounters…yeah, I don't really go into details with my friends. Some things are just left up to the imagination.

My motto is…what happens in the bedroom…stays in the bedroom. I don't need to type it down on my computer, write it in my journal, or put it up on my blog. Because you know what…someone might just read it.

But for our female Duke University friend, well, here's the thing…sex sells. So don't give the "presentation" for free. Get a book deal.

What are your thoughts?

Heidi
Here's a link to the article:
http://jezebel.com/5652114/college-girls-power-point-fuck-list-goes-viral-gallery?skyline=true&s=i

The Science of Online Dating

The programmer/psychologist behind match.com and Yahoo Personals has a new book out Who Should You Have Sex With?: The Secrets to Great Sexual Chemistry Author Mark Thompson claims you will never find "Mr. or Mrs. Right on the internet" – Really? Why?

There is no exit interview.

Hum. Good point. He suggests there be some sort of exit interview (ala Netflix) that will help you narrow your search. And while we see numerous commercials with happy couples and their nuptials displayed all over the TV, in reality, many couples meet online, but one in ten actually make a couple.

So does that mean I have to go through ten dates before I find Mr. Okay to date?

This has me dreaming of some exit interview multi-million dollar online dating company to start up (yes, I did just see The Social Network)…would that work? And honestly, are couples really connected through some sort of mathematic equation figured out by psychologists and computer programmers? I thought finding a mate was through face-to-face connections? You just increase your odds by actually going out and meeting new people. No?

Here's the truth. I'm a social butterfly. I have a number of friends. But…somewhere in my dating life, I was way too into my job/life to actually look at men as date-able objects. Then one day, I turned around and everyone was married. And now I go out with my friends and they have no single men to set me up with. And I often wonder…how did this happen? When did this happen? And how do I find someone? Pronto.

Enter internet dating.

Now I will admit, I've met a few guys I just didn't click with after a first or second date. No problem. You just get back on the horse. But the thing I like…I am actually meeting new people who are single. Compare that to the "old days" of being set up by friends, meeting men in bars, or *gasp* answering a personal ad – volume doesn't actually mean more quality, but I am having way more fun and it's relatively easy.

So Mr. Thompson…your "overpromised and under-delivered" results in online dating sites might ring true for many, but I for one, am happy too actually meet single men. Because I don't know where they are in my town – and my guess is, I'll find more single men on the internet than I will anywhere else.

HC

Chivalry

He opened the door, pulled out my seat, and paid for dinner but when he told me he was thinking about bringing me flowers, he asked if that would have been too much. It put me into a quandary. "Yes, I think it would look like you were trying to hard" I answered honestly.

I look back at when my parents dated some forty years ago, would it have been odd if my dad showed up and brought her flowers on a first date? Answer: No.

So why is it odd to me today?

I've been on a couple dates recently wherein these men proclaimed chivalry is not dead. I'm not so sure if its chivalry or just a basic respect for women. So I ask….what's the difference? If you respect a woman, you'd open her door, you'd ask her if she'd want anything when you where heading to the kitchen, you'd pull out her chair before she sat down. There is that certain aspect to a man that when he does these small gestures…we instantly see a sign that he likes us. If he let the door slam in our faces, or checks his email/phone incessantly, well, I think he just wants to get this little "meeting" over with so he can head home and watch some more Sportcenter. He's not that into you.

So I looked up the word chivalry in the dictionary. Basically…unless you are a knight (or working at medieval times), the word is pretty dated. Courage, honor, justice, helping the weak or poor (this is starting to sound like a job interview for a law enforcement officer…); courtesy to women or a well mannered man. Eureka! A well mannered man. But does this mean he needs to bring you flowers on a first date? Ah no.

Women have come a long way since medieval times. We don't need rescuing but we also don't mind it when you kill the creepy crawly things in our apartments. So don't bring me flowers as you come riding in on your shiny white horse, it's not necessary. But you are a true well mannered gentleman if you make me chicken noodle soup when I'm sick, tell me how beautiful I look while sick, and well, hold my hair back when I actually get sick.

For me chivalry means well mannered and for that, then I would say, chivalry is not dead. But it's still odd if you buy me flowers on a first date.

HC

 

 

 

Is It Really Fall?

Happy Last Weekend of Summer.
Sort of depressing isn't it? It goes so fast. I always have all these plans I'm going to get done during the summer, yet never tend to get to all the chores. Sound familiar.
I can't tell you how many people I've talked to who tell me…"wow, I wish I can be you." While being a novelist sounds lovely, and well "novel" it's not an easy thing. There are periods of total freak out (you don't get paid until you book actually hits the bookstore), and many "temp"-tations of temping on smaller writer gigs to pay the bills. But it's the shear freedom that I do adore.

I should describe my "work" location – I write my blog at my dining room table overlooking the most picturesque beach and pier. (It's ok…you can hate me…) But when the sun gleams through my sliding doors and pills into the living room…well…I head across the street to the beach. (You should see my tan.) The only issue I have…I can't use my computer at the beach. Trust me I've tried. Phone calls…yeah, I get the best "coverage" on my deck in one of those lifeguard-type chairs. So I put on my sunglasses, and "roll calls" on the deck. It's great…until the gardener decides to run the lawn mower.

Now before you all go into the "I hate Heidi" comments…you all haven't seen my bank account. Being a writer for a living is not the type of career that brings in the big dough but it is very freeing. While my friends think, wow, you can sleep until noon write a couple blogs and polish off your new novel blah blah blah…what I've learned is …it's a lot more work than I anticipated. I typically work ten to twelve hour days. (Sort of like a doctor…no?) Everything I read, do, think, I try and work into a story, blog, or article. Don't get me wrong…I'm currently "studying" People Magazines Emmy red carpet dresses with much glee.

If you think writing is easy. Here is a fact for you: It took me ten LONG years to write my first novel. And trust me, I'm like a school girl about to start school in anticipation of it coming out. I am very lucky to be part of the most incredible book writing club and these ladies have read every word I have written and given me such honest feedback. (I think they were as surprised as I was when it sold.)

My Fabulous Book Writing Club

A typical day for me is coffee (Starbucks just gave me a gold card!); workout; shower; emails/phone calls; write – I only break from writing if I have a meeting. If I get stuck…I take a bike ride. I usually "stop" working around eight pm. Another thing, being a writer is also being a good salesperson. I can't tell you how many people have told me "I wrote a book and it didn't sell" – You have to put in as much effort as you did in writing a book as you do selling it. I've acted as my own publicist, manager, book store owner etc to promote myself. I pitch to magazines, blogs, community columns, TV shows, radio programs, and bookstores for personal appearances. "Heidi is so much fun, she'll have fun with your patrons" talking about myself in the third person. (I tend to crack myself up too.)

And I will say, being a writer can be a very lonely world too. I so enjoy when a friend calls me and brings me out of my writing work and says "Lets run errands" so I can ask about my character. Recently I was watching the Emmy's with a friend and I was making comments about the dresses, and she told me I sounded like the character from my second book (I think that was a compliment???) So, in reality, I'm never really off the hook and "not working".

But, nothing counts as much as my fans. Those of you who read my blog, send me emails whether they are debating a stupid idea, or sending me love notes. I read them all with much happiness.
Thank you all for being on this journey with me. It means the world. So keep reading, visiting and giving me feedback. I love a good argument.
Now…back to work. It is fall after all.
HC