Oh no…Valentine’s Day is Coming…Quick…Time to Panic?

What is it about Valentine’s that scares men? No really. I mean, all men I know hate Valentine’s day. Why?

Remember when we were kids and we were forced to write a Valentine to every kid in our class. But expect a card from a guy today…and forget about it. They clam up and all blame Hallmark for “making up” this holiday to sell them something.

I think men are half correct. Restaurants, florists, chocolate makers, and of course card companies all make a bundle on Valentine’s day. But does that mean I shouldn’t buy candy for kids on Halloween because Hershey is making a profit?

I was walking the aisles of my favorite store (um Target) the other day and I will admit, I got swept up and made some impulse purchases for the holiday: cute lace panties, a box of conversation hearts, and yes… I even bought some chocolate.

It was like I was in school again…letting the merchants make a buck or two off me to, I dunno, put a smile on my face.

What changed from when we were kids?

I know what it is…its expectation. Men feel if they don’t do something fantastic and romantic then we will be disappointed. (Um, we will.) Yes its true, many women have some romantic fantasy that our man will come home with a large bouquet of roses and/or chocolates and take us out to an amazing meal, and then we will have incredible sex. It’s one day out of the year…and it can actually be fun.

Do you not think you will meet our expectations? You are probably right. But let’s not get derailed. Let’s take baby steps to get you to “enjoy” this holiday.

Being someone who writes romance novels for a living…trust me…I have lived out the “romantic date” fantasy for decades…and I feel for all the men I’ve dated because I know this is added pressure. But take my profession out of the picture and I tell you what I really want…..Is You.

The little stuff you do for me all the time is far more romantic than anything you will/could bring me on Valentine’s day. Don’t be so scared. I don’t have a warped reality. Seriously I don’t.

Oh I know what you are going to say: If he doesn’t bring me: Flowers, Chocolates, or take me out to dinner –I will be disappointed.

Yes, but isn’t life full of disappointments? Prom? Graduation? Getting older? Yeah…all of it…overrated. And so is Valentine’s Day. Get over it.

Moons ago I was dating this guy who always got it “wrong” on Valentine’s Day. One year he took me to Benihana so we could have dinner with other random couples (ahhh Not romantic). Another year he took me to some Brazilian meat place where men in harem pants came to our table with sabers of beef and lamb they would slice off for us…yikes. But I shouldn’t complain, I mean he was making an effort because he never liked to go out to dinner in the first place. I was always so amused by what he thought I’d like. In all honesty…I didn’t need a fancy dinner…I just wanted to see him and know he loved me.

I was reminded by a very dear friend of mine that women should not put all this expectation on the day…it’s too much pressure for men. Really? Pressure to write me a card? Tell them they like me? Really?

Look….Having someone who is always “so busy” with work, family, school, other random commitments, for them to take a break from their lives to go on dates, go to a movie, and well…sit down and have a chat over a cup of tea…all those little things far outweigh anything that can happen on a date designed for the colors of pink and red.

Here’s my beef. Yes there is a lot of symbolism in Valentine’s day…lots of “pressures” because you might not be sure you actually like us, or gasp, love us. I can tell you…it’s a bigger sign if you do nothing, than if you just wrote us a card, made a mixed CD or spent two dollars on a box of conversation hearts.

So what do you want?

I hear you. You don’t want to give us “too much” of your heart on Valentine’s Day. So keep your roadside flowers (they will die in a few days anyways) and well…we don’t need the chocolates (which goes right to my thighs)…and let’s save money by not going out on a day when restaurants jack up the prices on prix fixed menus. Honestly, a quiet night in together is always nice, and if you put pen to paper and wrote me a card – well this is far more romantic than anything in my book.

So men out there…don’t be nervous. Be yourself. And you have to do SOMETHING (Hint: Write a card.) Because, if you like her…tell her. And if you don’t tell her everyday, tell her at least on ONE DAY out of the year. Hallmark is just your reminder notice.