A Kiss is Just a Kiss

Have you ever met a really cute guy only to learn that he was a bad kisser? This has happened to me on more than one occasion. You know the scene: you are totally attracted to a guy and when he goes in to kiss and…well, you just don't fit together. I used to blame it on the alcohol. But when it happens more than one time…and the guy is stone sober, well…we have a problem.

Now I'm not saying throw in the towel. I'm all about lessons.… Vocalize. Tell the guy…"hey, you're sloppy. Mouth is here (point to mouth, and lips) and let's stop the sucking noises." But if he doesn't get it and thinks his "techniques" are fab…and well, they aren't….you might want/need to move on.

Not all kisses are alike either… So let's examine….

The Peck: Yes…it's a peck. But it's an open invitation too. Peck on the cheek, means he's trying to be polite and learn your space, but also a red flag that he might not be all that into you. Peck on the lips on a first date is totally acceptable. Also, let him do the lean in for the peck…don't be pecking him. Let him be an acceptable gentleman. But I will admit, this is hard to read. Fingers crossed you get a second date. But if he blows you off…move on. And let's all remember when we're not attracted to someone and totally grateful he only decided to peck us on the first date. Right?

The Smooch: Lips on lips, longer than a peck, no tongue. I love a good smooch at the end of the day. It doesn't take effort, isn't leading to anything, not misread…just shows there is affection. A smooch is perfect for greeting someone walking in the door or right before you drift off to sleep after a long day.

The Nash: Falling into each other and a little more intense kissing. This is followed by a little more heavy breathing and some hot and heavy petting. You literally are nashing together and there might be some teeth involved.

The Suck: Sort of like nashing, but the kiss has some weird "suck your brains out" feeling. (Don't know where this was taught that this was a desirable kissing technique, but I've been "sucked" on more than one occasion and so I assume many men think this is a desirable technique – word to the wise…it's not..)

The Earlobe: This is where your partner kisses and bites your earlobe and might use their tongue in your ear. But partners…stick to the lobe. Tongues in ears is what the kids call a "wet willy"…so stop at the lobe.

The French: Okay…when you get tongue tied…you are "French kissing" – why we give this technique to the French is beyond me (I've read the French call it "English kissing"), but I assume the French "invented" the use of a tongue in a kiss and well…if they coined this kiss (and apparently cutting potatoes into matchsticks we call French fries) well…let's just give them credit shall we? Now…there are a couple techniques here. There is the "stab" and then there is the "round the world" – I'd love to hear your stories on kisses…but let's just say, I'm more of a fan of the "natural" use of the tongue where you are more in sync together with your tongues. When a guy is stabbing his tongue at me…it's not that, shall we say, desirable. Usually there is some sort of "around the world" action with, in my option, good French kissing. That is if they can make a connection and aren't just a propeller in my mouth.

The "Make Out": Well this is the "mixed tape" of kissing. A little of all above kisses. And if he starts feeling you up…well we call that "going to 3^rd base"…and is usually part of making out.

Now there are other kisses far from these general kisses (The Eskimo: where you kiss with your noses rubbing and The Butterfly: kissing with eyelashes etc.) but I'm just trying to be general here.

I will have you know, recently I started dating someone who claimed to be "a really good kisser"…hum…I'll give him a try, was my first thought. (In the name of research right?) It took him a few dates to kiss me ("I didn't want to kiss you in the parking lot" he stated, which I found rather odd, because how many people have you seen making out in a parking lot? Right.) Finally he got over his nervous parking lot phobia and planted one on me outside of a local bar. He was right…he was a good kisser (…and well…he had more hidden talents too…more on those later.) But I must say, it brought him up a notch and made me want to see him more. Before that, he was a typical guy. Sports fan, good job, motivated worker type, loves his dog…blah blah blah. But get him out of the parking lot, and well, he can make out with me and turn me to Jell-O in about two minutes. He constantly gains points (and currently not freaked out by the fact I'm a romance writer…a huge plus!)

But for me, kissing, more than sex, is the ultimate intimacy. It's like a man can talk with his mouth, not say a word, but you know his stress, emotion, and endearment …all from a simple smooch. So get out there…practice, and remember not all kisses are alike. A kiss is so much more than just a kiss…it's quite literally a connection.

HC