Check Mate

Friend: "How do I get Roger to break up with me?"
Me: "Why don't you just break up with him?"
Friend: "I don't want to hurt his feelings."
Say what? This was coming from a friend who knew she wanted to break up with this guy…but wanted him to do it because she didn't want to hurt his feelings. So what is she going to do…wait for him to hurt her feelings?
Eventually Roger called and said, "I think we need to distance ourselves" –this was as a huge weight taken off her shoulders, but why couldn't she just break up with him?
This made me re-exam my dating and break up life. And well, dating is like a chess game. You want to corner a partner, but still keep your options open for any move possible. When we know he isn't "the one" – Why don't we just break up? Maybe because, it's better to be in a relationship than not. But is it okay to lead someone on?
Breaking up is hard to do. This we all know is true. But if you know in your heart of hearts they aren't the one, should you lead them to break up with you, see the light that you two just aren't meant to be together…or should you stick it out, because it beats being single or do you stay in the relationship and keep looking and eventually cheat on him?
I've been dumped by a guy without any reason. (And let's just say for the record, I was damn better than anything he could ever get.) But he dumped me with the excuse of "just because" – without any explanation…and it killed me for months. I needed an answer, I needed closure. Now that I re-look at it, it would have been far easier to just lead him to break up with me, vs. get his lame response. I look back at that breakup and how much it hurt me and how confused I was (because did I mention, I was WAY too good for him???), and well, I kinda led him to break up with me too. I knew he wasn't the one for me. I was keeping my options open? Dating and still looking. So why was I so crushed? Oh, right, because he blindsided me. He check mated me without me seeing it.
Now that I've been playing chess, I mean dating, a few more years, I've learned not to get stuck in the corner. I don't jump in and get all gaga on the first date…put all my eggs into one basket, so to speak. I play it vague and strategic all at the same time. After all, dating is a game (I think). There are winners and definitely some losers, but I have faith, I will find a King to my Queen.