Dear Santa 2012

Dear Santa,

Sorry I’m getting you this letter a bit late, but here it goes.  Every year I ask for different presents and things I would like to see under my tree.  You have done an amazing job: From the Dulet Toaster, to cute designer jeans and a to-die-for Michael Kors handbag.  Your shopping skills are top notch (just like my fabulous sister!)  

I even wrote to you and asked for a boyfriend…and while he wasn’t under my Christmas tree, he did arrive at the perfect time.  And last year, I asked for some date-able men for my friends …and whether they want to believe it or not…each and every one of them got some cuddling in 2012…so I think that was to some extent, successful.

This year my request is a bit more humbling I’m afraid. 

My Barista (kidding!)

I’d just like to pay it forward.  Something like the #26Acts.  Literally this morning, I ran some errands, one of which was cashing my paycheck…and with the cash I took out, I paid for a line of drinks at Starbucks.  Felt good.  Almost like the best Christmas present I didn’t actually get.  What’s that old saying?  It’s better to give than receive?  There could be no truer words.  So I guess I’m asking you to spread the word…tell people to participate in random acts of kindness.  (Something I wish I did more of.)

During this odd holiday season when our country was delivered a devastating blow so close to the holidays, make you sit back and realize how much we have to be grateful for.  I have a wonderful family, an awesome boyfriend, cuddly pets, amazing friendships, and food and treasures in abundance.  So much to be thankful for. 

Now I’m not going to lie, of course I purchased many gifts to give out this holiday season to my loved ones (including my publisher), but even if I got a dead rat in my stocking…I’d be just fine.

My heart is full of love.

Let’s all try and make it a Merry Christmas!  See you bright and early.

Heidi

Girl's Weekends

You know when you have guy trouble and you just need a good girlfriend to get you through it?  I hear you, loud and clear.

Let me tell you…once upon a time, I wanted (with my girlfriends) to write a book called “A Girlfriends Guide to Getting Away” – which was all about “girl’s weekends”.  It was a “how-to guide” on how to throw the ultimate getaway to release from your life and let your hair down with the gals who know you best.  Ultimately with four writers on board…we never got to publishing it and had many different directions.  But here are a few things I learned along the way:

1)      You do not need a gaggle of besties to make a Girl’s Weekend. 

2)      You CAN get away with ONE good girlfriend who needs you.

3)      If inviting a group: make sure everyone knows each other.  (Awkward times abound if you do not.)

4)      This is not about a YOU weekend…it’s about sharing.  You do not need to be the center of attention.

It is no secret I’m in a relationship, but I have many friends who are not.  Recently, a girlfriend who is experiencing a difficult break-up needed me.  As I tried to explain it to my BF, “I need to be there for my girlfriend” – he sort of understood as I left him at the drop of a hat to be by her side (which is another quality I love about him). But honestly, she knows I was swamped (holidays!) and was busy (deadlines!)…but ultimately…it gave me a couple days (peace), and I’m there for my friends.  

Now I should tell you…my girlfriend in need was at a work retreat at a fabulous Spa an hour away from my home.  This sounded totally awesome to my boring ho-hum life.  So between tequila tasting, spa treatments, and exquisite dinners…I was there to listen, give advice, and well, be a friend. (And did I mention this retreat was AWESOME!)

So, I arrived 10 minutes before my friend needed to jump into a mixer (um, zero girl time); then had 5 minutes before our tequila tasting, before our fab dinner in their ultra-hip bar before I could….whew…put on my bathing suit in our private hot tub to say “WFT” is going on???

All in all, I got the scoop.  Put my life on hold and was there for my friend. 

The point is: Girl’s weekends are a must. Sometimes we need help. Sometimes we yell out and seek our friends to bail us throw the tough times.  Everyone needs a break from time to time.  Cherish your friendships….and it’s awesome to have your girlfriend’s help you get through even the most difficult time.

Life can be busy and inconvenient but friendships last can forever.  Listen and always be a friend…it will always be a reward.

Sexy Halloween

Halloween is the one day out of the year when we all get to dress up and look like utter fools doing normal activities.  As I write this blog, I’m sitting here in my “Heidi” costume wearing a low cut sort of “beer wench” outfit and have been asked what restaurant I work at. 

But when I first got dressed this morning, and revealed my outfit for my boyfriend .  He did a double take…he sure loves a costume.   

What is it about costumes that get men aroused? 

Ask any man, and their eyes will light up when they talk about their favorite costumes.  I talked with a couple of male colleagues and their general consensus was that they like it when women dress up like superheroes.  Really, they want me to dress in some Linda Carter Wonder Woman briefs, with gold cuffs and high lace up boots?    

So I asked my boyfriend, what day did you know that I was the one for you? His answer: “The day I came up to visit you and you had on your kitty cat outfit.”  Ah yes, the sexy kitten costume, another male favorite.  That’s always a good one but is it me, or is every costume some sort of “sexy” something?  And do men really need costumes to get going?

Head to any costume shop and you’ll find the sexy superhero, sexy witch, sexy Dorothy, sexy Little Red Riding Hood, sexy nurse, sexy pirate and the list goes on and on.  Apparently, yes…guys want to see their girls in low cut inapproatriate office attire, and if it’s one day out of the year…fine.

Honestly, I used to not dress up.  Or if I did dress up, I’d make my own, non-sexy costume.  In fact, I once went out with a bunch of friends as a group on the Titanic.  We had Jack and Rose, Unsinkable Molly Brown…and me…as the Titanic ship and I even had an iceberg made of Styrofoam. We were the hit of every party. 

Sexy?  No. Funny, yes!  But, it did not get me a date.

So I‘ve learned a few things over the years.  Men like costumes. Sexy costumes.  That is why they are so abundantly available at every costume stores.  So if that’s your intension this Halloween…put on your inner sex kitten and hit the town.  Or you can always go down as the Titanic. 

Nonetheless, I like to dress up, do a little role play for my BF.  So if those costume shops start having a sale tomorrow…I might pick up a small stockpile.  Right now, this Heidi-Bar-maid-wench needs to abide auf wiedersehen and head out to do some trick or treating.  

Have a fun and safe Halloween.

Dump Time

I know, I know….there are two questions on everyone’s mind.


1) When is your book coming out?

2) Why aren’t you blogging?

Answers:

1) Not sure. Every publisher goes on vacation for the summer and I’ve been out of the loop. But I’m working on that answer soon!

2) Um, its summer and I’ve been lazy in the blog-o-sphere…been trying to finish two scripts and two books. Not to mention, working on a TV show, currently living with my boyfriend (insert, doing his laundry and general clean-up of a guy).

But here I am…ready to chat about dating, relationships and reality shows. First of all…reality shows. Let me just say, I’m a fan of Emily and Jef (with one f), I’m obsessed with “Miss Advised” (great casting -- those girls are all train wrecks), and for my friend (and former guy I dated Troy)…dude…what’s up with your show “Basketball Wives” and Evelyn and Chad? My TV viewing has seriously been in overdrive this summer…but as with most of us, back to school time usually means, back to work. (and back to the mall for new clothes, but I digress).

Okay, down to business. Let’s discuss dating. I have heard from many of you. Thanks for the emails…keep’em coming.

Recently a reader *Claire wrote to me for a little dating intervention. Her plea was simple. She’s been living with her boyfriend, and knows in her heart of heart he’s not “the one” but refuses to break up with him because that’s a lot of work. Claire has been dating her boyfriend Terence for just over two years. They moved in together after only knowing each other for two months. At first it was great. The money she was saving was fantastic and well, it was fun with her younger boy toy. But over the months, Terence has been driving her nuts, and now they are just two passing ships in the night. Claire last relationship was long term and she knows she doesn’t want to marry Terence. And she wouldn’t mind being a lone for a while, but she’s too lazy to actually break up with him. She laments to me that he’s a nice guy…but she’s just not in love with him.

Sound familiar?

Claire is already resenting Terence and it’s not getting any better. Honestly Claire, you sound a bit lazy (that’s ok…because you see, I’ve been lazy all summer). But here’s the thing -- Why can't you break up and be roommates…Why drag it on and pretend you are in a relationship?

I hear you responding already: “I don’t want to hurt him.”

Look…for all the men I’ve dated out there, when they told me “It’s just not there” and dumped me. I was totally grateful for their honesty.  While I might have shed a few initial tears, trust me when I tell you I was happy it didn’t drag on.

Claire, it’s time to live alone. (You said it you've never lived alone and that you've always had a man in your life.) See what it’s like. You might hate it and miss Terence. You might find someone completely new and better than him too. Right now, you are stuck in a rut. Move on girlfriend. And buy that pink couch and be all girlie for once...because you can.

Be proactive. He wants your honest answer, not this “not knowing and passing ship” scenario you’ve created.

If you need space and have never allowed yourself space, aren’t you going to be upset and mad at him if you’ve never given yourself space?

It’s time to be truthful with him, tell him he’s not “the one” and go from there. You might be much happier being friends and or roommates.

But, right now, I need to fold my honey's laundry.

HC
*Names have been changed.